fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

{ chapter four } [pros, cons]

10.4.10 at 10:36 AM

The house was empty when I got home.

Silent, too, aside from the constant hum of the refrigerator and the fish tank. It wasn’t much of a surprise, though. Both of my parents still worked in downtown Toronto and even if I was rushed to the ER of the nearest hospital, it would take them at least forty-minutes (traffic dependent) to be at my bedside. It wasn’t such a big deal, really, because for one thing: that wouldn’t happen and for another: my mum’s cousin lived just a five minute drive from our house and was a sure emergency contact – she never left her home.

I dropped off my backpack at the door and collapsed on the cool leather of the black sofas in our living room. There were many positive and negative points about my days and I usually did this everyday just to reflect upon them. It’s warm outside – positive. It’s warm outside and I’m inside – negative. I saw an attractive guy who likes my sweater vest – positive. Because this guy likes my sweater, I don’t think I ever want to change it – negative. The chemistry teacher didn’t set herself on fire – positive, but mostly negative.

In the end, I counted most negatives than positive, causing me to get up and grab something to eat. Actually, even if my outcomes differed, I’d have still gotten a snack, just because I get hungry a lot. Much to my Asian mother’s demise, I don’t gain weight that easily; when you’re an Asian, the most satisfying thought (apparently) is to have plump children who drown themselves in rice and soy sauce. I’m only halfway there.

{---}

In the silent house, the sound of an unbolting lock in the front door made my heart jump. My parents were back and, after much experience, that was usually a bad thing. I love my family, but the lack of freedom and start of small chores were just enough to make me quake. There was also a time in the seventh grade when I did a number of rebellious things, the sound of my parents’ arrival bringing forth punishments and lectures. In the past years, my heart just got used to fearing the sound of the door; like a hunted animal would forever fear humans even after being rescued.

“Hellooo there!” I called out.

“Alice, I bought you some cake snack. Come here; help me put this away.” My mum replied.

I bounded down the stairs like a heroine to meet my chocolaty match, but was first met with a package of tenderloin, a case of instant noodles and a loaf of bread.

“Meat goes in the freezer and everything else in the pantry.”

I nodded and grabbed the food, moving quickly to the basement to put it all away and be done with it, so I could settle in front of my computer with a cake and a glass of milk.

Milk in hand and snack in mouth, I sat at my desk, which was cluttered with textbooks, binders and remnants of my latest projects. I pushed away some Post-It notes and a notebook full of the birthdays of people I knew and started up my laptop. Logging into my account, my desktop appeared and everything began to load. I double-clicked the Internet browser, and my home page opened up, yielding a couple of the usual notifications.

It’s really funny how I spend so much time on the Internet. I don’t recall exactly what I do or what websites I go on, yet I can find so much interest in doing this. I opened up my Instant Messenger and briefly scrolled through the contacts. Before I could even get halfway, a new window opened up with a message from Parvati.

* p a r v a t i -- [6:43PM] says: Hey there.

I brought my fingers to the keys and typed up a quick reply – the usual: hi, hello,not much, you? We went on to talk about somewhat more complex things (I say that with the most sarcasm intended), and I ended up in conversations with a few others at the same time, but then my conversation with Par took a slight turn.

* p a r v a t i -- [6:57PM] says: So what about that new guy?

> { a l i c e } < [6:58PM] says: What new guy?

* p a r v a t i -- [6:58PM] says: Mister Blue-Eyes-Hot-Skater.

> { a l i c e } < [6:58PM] says: There’s nothing to say about that.

* p a r v a t i -- [6:59PM] says: LIES.

> { a l i c e } < [6:59PM] says: IDEK his name – there’s nothing going on!

* p a r v a t i -- [6:59PM] says: Alright then. ;)

I kept my computer and all its windows on as I did my homework, only half of my attention spent on my Physics homework. My eyes were constantly jumping from the words in my textbook to the blinking orange of a new response in an MSN conversation and the bright crimson of a new notification; what could have easily been half-an-hour’s work morphed and stretched, taking up almost two hours of my night. After scribbling down the last of my Physics at around nine – which was a prime time to start surfing the net properly – I still had to read seven chapters of a book for English, and answer fifteen questions on it.

Rest assured, I did not turn out my lights until well beyond eleven, I totally collapsed after describing the plot in about ten different ways, and none of the reading actually sank in.

{---}

If there’s one thing that will always remain a common trait in myself (and those others of my generation), that one thing would be my inability to wake up before the sun with a smile on my face. For school, I have to deal with music blaring at a time as early as six, and no later than seven – I don’t think there are any possible ways to make that a happy thing. Waking up early, to me, is like getting a bucket of ice water dunked over my head: it’s far too cold, my eyes hurt and I legitimately want to cry.

Then you can throw in the fact that my alarm clock wakes me by playing a random song off my iPod. Let’s just say I have a very diverse sense of musical taste, most of which orbits around anything with a guitar or keyboard. Some days, the shuffle of my mp3 player will bless me with a cheery, light song like Hello Yellow by Backseat Goodbye or Summer Skin by Death Cab For Cutie. Most days, though, I’m most inconvenienced by the screaming and crashing of electric guitars and drum beats of Eyes Set To Kill and As I Lay Dying, that would definitely be enjoyed when I’m not dreaming about hot guys and wallabies – in no way do I find it acceptable to start the day by having the lover in my dream and his cute, furry marsupial friend eaten by a crazy, fire-breathing dragon named Meddler or Hottlips.

Some days, though, I’m simply at the peak of badass-ity and find this kind of awakening invigorating.

Like today, for example. Maybe it was the fact that I had multiple plans for this day, or the fact I lay in bed for over two hours before falling asleep, but I sure was looking forward to today, and I found no obstacles to my ever-growing excitement. My blanket had not ripped itself off my bed, and my toothpaste was minty-fresh. My hair was wavy and curly in the right spots and I hadn’t broken out in new, embarrassing spots in my sleep. Flat tire? No chance – I walk to school!
I was still literally skipping when I ran into my dad, coming up the stairs, who proceeded to towel off his hair (even though water had soaked the shoulders of his shirt already) and fix me with a strange look through his blue eyes.

“Mon Dieu, qu’est-ce je fait…” he sighed – though, hardly a serious man.

“Today will be a good day, father,” I grinned. “You’ll see.”

“If you say so,” he said as he passed me. “There’s chocolate pancakes on the stove.”

“You see what I mean?”

Nothing like warm, homemade chocolate-chip pancakes to fuel a rad, awesome, bangarang day!