read on to hear my broken thoughts and insanely vague descriptions.

today was too fucking great
ohmygod i mean after school
kldgjlejlgkjreljgergrjglkerjlg
just
hhhh i was put into such a good mood after <:
and it wasn't even to do with the other one!
but frankly i just can't be bothered with him and her and her and him anymore, they're none of my business and don't put me in the best of emotions.
anyways
<3ehrh56u56u56u

▴▿ uureeeka! ▿▴ [ 976days as of oct28 ] says (11:36 PM):
*i feel so invaded, honestly
*it's like everything that was mine with him
*is just being ripped off me like velcro
*and stuck to other people
*like fucking merit badges
*but when you find so much treasure in even the smallest, simplest things like i do
*the small snap of the velcro ripping off is as deafening as the roar of an f1 racer
*wow that was fucking poetic

[ I ]
i'm happier now that my restless wondering has been answered. i can stop worrying about what could've been and go on without dragging myself on about it. and since i'm pretty sure you don't hate me, i'm glad we can be proper friends now! ugh, god, i feel like i've waited forever for things to go back to normal. i just miss being able to hug you without feeling awkward. that'll mend, i promise.

[ II ]
i explained to you better, i think. that's good. just understand that i'm far too analytical for my own good, extremely observant of every little detail, and sometimes when you mull that over -- all the information retained from a single day; the regular emotions; the little notes -- when you're all alone, it can take a negative toll and amplify itself ten-fold in me. be patient, give me space, or let me rant like fuck.

[ III ]
they say people learn from their mistakes, but you're exactly the same, still, aren't you? amazing! wow, at least i'm absolutely, one-hundred-fucking-percent you haven't changed a dash! now, the next time some fucker tells me, "but she's such a nice person!" i'll have a second opinion. you're dirty rotten in a way that isn't even brilliant -- at least i can be icy and bitchy for good reason. i can do things on my own without needed someone praising me. goddammit, girl. you're losing more people than you possibly know. you think that ignoring people makes them come to you more -- honey, that doesn't work if you're as dull as new-home walls and as tasteless as autumn air.

[ IV ]
day with jeremy was wonderful! nicole and i bussed there together, after missing our first bus, and chilled at h&m before heading down to indigo's and meeting jere there. radical, awesome, great! ok.

[ V ]
oh yeah, you. fucker, don't mess with me, okay. you can try your best to "get me" but i don't need you. i've got the vice of a queen, and you're pathetically useless to me.

i'm going to sound like the most selfish person ever, so you don't have to read this, but to be completely and totally honest, i just have less tolerance for people happier than me.

i mean, i understand that you're not in "my situation" and i'm not wishing this upon you -- i'm not even asking for your help, since i know there's nothing you can do -- but can you at least have a little patience for me? you have your problems, sure, but they probably don't leave you feeling grey and alone all the time.

it's like you and i go on a mountain-climbing expedition, and we swear to help each other. suddenly, while i'm still trying to overcome this one obstacle, you're all the way at the top. and i'll be telling you "i don't know what to do!" and you'd just shout back random instructions, halfheartedly, like what you're saying is the easiest in the world.

maybe i complain about the same thing over and over again, and maybe it doesn't look like i'm putting any effort into anything, but you haven't ever spent a day in my shoes. you don't know exactly how much this hurts, feeling like a bird in a cage; "the door's right there, why can't you just open it?" maybe it's not that easy for me to get out.

i don't ask you for help or anything, and if you don't really want to help me, then fine. just don't give me all this bullshit about how things are so easy for me. they're not. i'm not pitying myself for attention, either. i am not the kind of person with that much confidence. and if you want me to be patient with you, you should keep in mind to do the same.

i'm not just going to help you, and have you leave me in this ditch, maybe kick in some dirt here and there. call me selfish, but this is realistic. actually, before you call me conceited, think about putting yourself in that exact spot.

fucking caged.

enough space to move about happily.
a clear solution to my problems.
but it's not as easy as it looks.
and once i get out, solve this little mess, what then?
what about when i'm recaptured in the same cage?
are you just going to tell me to open the door again?

Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners. Very Good at confusing people… Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you out. Geminis will not take any crap from anyone. Geminis like to tell people what they should do and get offended easily. They are great at losing things and are forgetful. Geminis can be very sarcastic and childish at times and are very nosey. Trustworthy. Always happy. VERY Loud. Talkative. Outgoing. VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. THE MOST IRRESISTIBLE.

[x] the dark
[x] staying single forever
[x] being a parent
[x] giving birth
[x] being myself in front of others
[ ] open spaces
[ ] closed spaces
[x] heights
[ ] dogs
[ ] birds
[x] fish
[x] spiders
[x] flowers or other plants
[ ] being touched
[/] fire - so-so, i have such an attraction to it, it scares me a little.
[x] deep water
[ ] snakes
[ ] silk
[x] the ocean
[x] failure
[ ] success
[ ] thunder/lightning
[ ] frogs/toads
[ ] my boyfriends/girlfriends dad
[ ] boyfriends/girlfriends mom
[ ] rats
[x] jumping from high places
[ ] snow
[ ] rain
[ ] wind
[x] crossing hanging bridges
[x] death
[ ] heaven
[x] being robbed
[x] falling
[x] clowns
[x] dolls
[x] large crowds of people
[x] men
[ ] women
[x] having great responsibilities
[x] doctors
[x] tornadoes
[x] hurricanes
[x] incurable diseases
[x] sharks
[ ] Friday the 13th
[x] ghosts
[x] poverty
[ ] Halloween
[ ] school
[ ] trains
[x] odd numbers
[ ] even numbers
[x] being alone
[x] becoming blind
[x] becoming deaf
[x] growing up
[x] creepy noises in the night
[ ] bee stings
[x] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[x] needles
[ ] blood
[ ] dinosaurs
[x] the welcome mat
[x] high speed
[x] throwing up
[/] falling in love - i get nauseous after the forelsket
[ ] super secrets

If you repost this, it’s been barequested that you title it “I’m afraid of XX out of 72 common fears.”
If you get more than 30, I strongly recommend some counseling.
If you get more than 20, you’re paranoid.
If you get 10-20, you are normal.
If you get 10 or less, you’re fearless.
People who don’t have any are liars.

CONGLOMERATE
made up of miscellaneous articles

i always have words randomly popping in my head, forcing me to look them up. they're not provoked by reading or anything, i just think up a word and it drives me mad. either this is some sort of masochistic love of vocabulary, or some strange personality disorder.


kjwgklesjrgkljkljergjklr
LMFAOLMFAOLMFAO
i am, like, equal parts confused, skeptical, and relieved.
BUT WOW HOW AWKWARD LULUL

"Competitive and sportive. Don't like losing and always cheerful! You are trustworthy, and very out-going. You choose love carefully, and don't fall in love easily. But once you find the right one, you don't let go for a long long time."

those last two sentences made me cringe.
wow, accuracy on facebook?

that was so unexpected, actually. like, i never considered that you could like me -- all i thought of was how i love him.

"i'm dead serious i've liked you ever since i met you and you're totally cute"

i never expected you to be the kind of guy to flatter me so much
but i still like him, so so so much.
like, it actually kills me.

i would not want to have you confused or anything, but i wouldn't want to drag you on if i wasn't sure i liked you. i know you'd understand, really. you're such a sweetheart; you're absolutely wonderful.

though you and him have so much in common, it irks me.
- music
- singing
- siblings
- pokemon
- humour
- awkwardness

like, wow.
"i can't express how much i like you"
oh, my life.
LOL (:

PRIDE. Seven great things about yourself.

oo1 - sometimes, there's this weird feeling that comes over me where i'm slightly sleepy, and a little dazed, and maybe too thoughtful, but i talk and ramble and am nicer than usual, but i don't remember much of what happened at that moment. i like how i do that. like, just freely talk to people about what convoluted thoughts are on my mind without worrying.

oo2 - after a year and a half, or so, of braces, i think it's safe to say i'm very proud of my teeth. i might be having gum surgery in the future, but the teeth themselves are really quite straight!

oo3 - my language and thinking. sure, i can be profane, and cruel, but the way i think is, apparently, totally different from anything. and i use words that, while they may confuse or alarm people, are somewhat accurate. i think things through, most times, and am up late nights pondering simple wonders, which makes for proper argumentative fuel for the future. that's cool.

oo4 - whenever i look at him, i get a rush of feelings; i feel sad that i've lost him, i fawn over how adorable he is... but when i reflect later, i feel really proud just to know i meant something to him for even the shortest amount of time -- that he actually loved me back, in some way. maybe i've lost that, but i can be proud of what we had, right? because i doubt i'll find anyone else who will waste time just talking to me on the phone to list the 151 pokemon of the first generation in order to help me play a game, or remember every little thing i told him as if it mattered.

oo5 - i'm really adaptable. i'm a chameleon on multiple planes. i went down and vacationed in virginia for a summer, and by the end of it i had developed a bit of a southern accent. i read good works of literary art, and my own speech, thought and writing are at a peak. i'm put in a room with random teens, and i'll eventually find a way to break the ice, if i want to. show me a code, a software, or something like that and i'll just figure it out. i'm like a quintessential pupil waiting to be taught.

oo6 - for some reason, i've noticed people (few, but existent) treasure knowing me, or speak to me tenderly like i'm some sort of fragile ceramic work. i don't know why, but it's sweet; having a little boy constantly regard after you, despite the fact he's ten years your juniour, or catching word that people find you awesome -- i don't know what it is, but if there's something about me that causes people to do it, i'm very proud to have such a trait.

oo7 - my hair is naturally curly and shit. i am just saying, that's nice. i couldn't be fucked getting up even half-past six to fix my hair, so rolling out of bed, shaking my head like a dog, and getting on with my day is wonderful!

ENVY. Seven things you lack and covet.

oo1 - any sort of distinctive relationship with him. i mean, not dating him, i just want us to go back to that really rad friendship we had. you know, when we could talk, i'd get butterflies, but everything was just wonderful? yeah.

oo2 - a steady income, which would explain why i'm so searching a part-time job. aside from needing to get out of the house more, i need an income independent of my parents, and it would also lead to my own personal bank account and quite possibly a debit card. and then i can save money, at least $10000 -- enough to contribute to decent post-secondary education, pay for disneyland admission (big end of high school plan, don't worry) and afford rent. wow, that almost sounded like it was planned out (oh right, it is)

oo3 - affection. i am just an affectionate person who deserves hugs, and feels the need to administer such hugs, even to the point of smothering. i need someone to offer such hugs.

oo4 - attractive features. i am just saying, i would enjoy being pretty. deer god, i don't even have dimples! ):

oo5 - HIGH ENOUGH PAIN TOLERANCE TO GET A TATTOO! because i can withstand pain, but you're telling me a needle is going to constantly puncture my skin and inject ink? right, like that's not going to hurt like a bitch.

oo6 - some sort of talent. i have absolutely no talent. it's actually quite sad. i don't play sports, i don't have a good physical makeup for running, i am artistically retarded, i lack creativity, i'm a lazy sloth and there is nothing people remember me for.

oo7 - outstanding intellect to make my future a success, so then i can just screw it all and live my life (with numerous degrees to turn to if need be)

WRATH. Seven things that piss you off.
i can go on about this for days. i am a girl full of rage.

oo1 - when i'm so stressed out for no reason that absolutely everything makes me snap, or feel the need to break down in tears.

oo2 - when i can deduce the motive behind a person, yet they are unaware of that and regard themselves as superior to me.

oo3 - people who outright boast on about themselves. if you really are as great as you seem to deem yourself, maybe you could depend on someone else telling me that -- can you really hear yourself? i think you have pseudologica fantastica, poor thing.

oo4 - being told what to do. if someone tells me what to do, i will purposefully go out of my way to do the opposite, even if it means doing what isn't right, just to piss them off. i don't even care if you're telling me to do someone i already had mind to, i will not do it. unless i adore you, of course.

oo5 - impolite insolence. when anyone sets a bad example for everyone else by being a complete and total pain in the ass. you know, that one student who mocks the teacher in an attempt to be funny -- no, you need to go.

oo6 - when people find something funny. no, it wasn't funny, just stupid. learn what humour is.

oo7 - this feeling of having lost something fragile, but not remembering when i last had it, completely, meaning i can't find it again unless someone offers it back to me, an offchance.

SLOTH. Seven things you neglect to do.

oo1 - homework

oo2 - i write little notes on my hand -- be positive, stop worrying, pack a lunch -- and i never ever remember to do them.

oo3 - feed my brother. he'll call me from three rooms over saying he's hungry, and i'll tell him i'll get it. but i don't for a long while, and when i do get it, i become irritated at his prodding and seemingly fastidious requests.

oo4 - self improvement.

oo5 - make attempts

oo6 - follow up on resolutions i tell myself i'm going to do.

oo7 - regulate my sleeping. i'm always tired.

GREED. Seven worldly material desires.

oo1 - a native-american headdress, with feathers. a number of them in different styles.

oo2 - peraphernalia for all of my obsessions.

oo3 - money.

oo4 - my own apartment.

oo5 - all the clothing i desire.

oo6 - many, many books.

oo7 - a photobooth and film.

GLUTTONY. Seven guilty pleasures.

oo1 - laptop in bed = terrible crink in neck, not comfortable, still can't help it

oo2 - screamo. honestly, i understand people think it's terrible, but it's enjoyable most times, okay.

oo3 - being alone. gives me time to think, but sometimes i end up wallowing in my own self-pity.

oo4 - facebook, formspring and twitter. three most annoying and incredibly lame websites are the same three i hold accounts to.

oo5 - arguments. i can get rather harsh in debates, as i'm full of pride and hate losing or backing down, so i scowl at the thought of having one (generally out of sloth and spite) but they get me thinking quick.

oo6 - zooey deschanel. okay, i get people love her for being summer, but i like her everywhere else. like, i adore her so much it's not even funny. she's the woman who charmed ben gibbard, sings her cute, folky songs, and has a delicate air to her all the time. she's perfect and amazing.

oo7 - stuffed animals. i keep peter pan by my pillow and snuggle william nathaniel sebastian III.

LUST. Seven love secrets.

oo1 - sometimes i see a quiet person, and i make it a quest to get them to open up, to see what they're like, but if they're not as amazing as i'd presume them to be, i'll toss them aside -- but sometimes they show signs of admiration for me, and still call on me whenever they can and talking to them becomes dull to me.

oo2 - i can find love in things, people and animals for years. i will smother my dog and attack her with kisses and constantly hug people. it's like a disease.

oo3 - in order to keep me interested, i'd have to feel appreciated. i'm never appreciated at home, so if you let me know you care, it may even make me smile for days.

oo4 - i always remember how i felt that one day, in my garage when i asked for a hug. it went like this: "can i at least have a hug?" "sure you can have a hug (:" and not only did you gave me probably the best hug ever, you actually went and kissed me, too. i stumbled after, completely and totally flutered -- hell, my face burns up just thinking about it!

oo5 - i go about my days like i don't give a fuck about anything anyone says or does, but if he said anything to me, it would have impact for months.

oo6 - i hate being the cheesy loser, but i'm probably infatuated with munchkin like a moth and a lantern.

oo7 - i don't know how anyone could love a wreck like me.

I took the skyway on my way into the windy city
It was the last time that I remember you calling
To tell me that you missed me
Here is too far from where you are
'Cause you have run off with my heart

I'm drifting farther away with every single day
I've never been this afraid of losing the memory of your face
For the next three weeks I'll spend my time hoping that you're still mine
For the next three weeks I'll say
Anchors away

Everytime I miss you I'm afraid that you've found someone else
That every thought I've spent on you is another moment here that I've lost
You don't have time to talk
Am I a memory that you've forgot?
What scares me most is how I've fall--
I've fall--
I've fallen for you
Hook-line and sinker to every part of my heart

I'm drifting farther away with every single day
I've never been this afraid of losing the memory of your face
For the next three weeks I'll spend my time hoping that you're still mine
For the next three weeks I'll say
Anchors away

If I lift up this anchor it doesn't mean
That I've given up given up on you
But I just can't stay here waiting for
Waiting for this tide to come in
'Cause everything's changing
And I feel as if
I'm drifting farther away from you
But we'll just have to wait and see
We'll just have to wait and see
See if you can rescue me...
Are you the only one who can rescue me?

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
{ Billy - age 4 }

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
{ Bobby - age 7 }


"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
{ Noelle - age 7 }


"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
{ Mary Ann - age 4 }


"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
{ Jessica - age 8 }