read on to hear my broken thoughts and insanely vague descriptions.

[I.] gem-stone studs. so you want to look like a cool guy, so you got a piercing? wow, how cool, you were able to put yourself through such pain that girls and young children go through, too. am i supposed to be impressed? well, i'm not. maybe come back when you have some decent, fucking gauges in your ears.

[II.] smoking for others. i don't have a thing against smokers, just the kids here who smoke. people are supposed to turn to smokes because it relieves stress. you haven't got fucking stress yet, kid. you don't have jitters to calm. your mediocre puffing isn't badass in my eyes -- you just look like a wee boy burning grass.

[III.] improper mannerisms. i really don't like rude people, and i definitely wouldn't give a chance to someone who's constantly a pain in the ass. don't care about being polite? i don't care about you.

[IV.] constant agreements. if i feel like you're just sucking up to make me think we have loads in common, it'll ward me off quickly. i like challenges, and if you're lying to sidle up with me, it's not going to work. i can see right through it -- you may not think it, but i'm probably mocking you for your "me too!" attitude. lack of challenge is about as interesting to me as a lion fed kibble in a cage.

iluvubbyzI love colours. I really love colours – so vibrant and pretty, and often so cheerful and lovely, yeah? Not like the serious monochrome of black-and-white. Whenever I see a black-and-white photo, in all its greyscale glory, I can’t help but feel intimidated. Why is it so powerful? It ignores an entire spectrum of beautiful shades and hues, yet a single, colourless photograph can make grown men in galleries cry (and probably cause another black-and-white photographer to capture that man crying within frames, and continue this cycle of “emotion”). But sadness isn’t the only emotion there is – trust me, I’ve felt it all, even if I haven’t felt it myself. There’s euphoria, and love, and and magic, and wonder! Sometimes, you can’t feel all of that in a little, washed-out photograph of an old man in a rainfall – sometimes, you need colour, just like you need food, drink, oxygen and good music.

iluvubbyzSometimes I think people are colour-blind, in theory. I mean, they certainly canpiece together pretty little outfits, and distinguish green from yellow, but they spend so much time worrying about things to notice the greater good in the world! So much time is spent chasing boys and chasing girls and doing homework and following orders and rushing around – but doesn’t anyone stop to notice beauty? Hardly, they usually scorn. The tiny plants that have the strong will to push through the bricks and blocks about then are harshly titledweeds, but what of the ambition they possess? Their power to remind people they are the Earth, and it’s completely inhospitable to create our civilizations on them, and try to ignore what should be cherished and thanked!

iluvubbyzI don’t want to fall prey to this casualty and ignorance. The pills let me see colours so often. They let me notice the leaves carried in the wind, the slow blooming of buds on trees, the speck of a birth mark on Oliver’s collarbone, the gleam of light in mischievous Mim’s eyes... Things I wouldn’t notice if I was uptight and always worrying. It was grand! Marvellous! Stunning! Colours flashed behind my eyes, making me feel like I had new super powers. They distracted me from things people would focus on, like how my hands were cold, Mim was so crazy she was defined as superbly unstable, and how breathtakingly handsome Dante was when fire blazed in him.

iluvubbyzI felt a moment of pressure at the back of my head, and it was like a hook through the gill, pulling me back out of water and into cold air. Suddenly, I was more aware of sound – loud, loud sound. Voices all around, hushes and whispers and – singing, was it? Oh, of course! With a grin, I turned to my company and cocked my head to the side, biting my lip before looking at them all. "Oh, wow. You guys are all lovely and great,” I absentmindedly tilted my head up to the sky with a smile, then looked back over my shoulder to catch the sight of Tobi – no, he was always changing his name, but he was my little bunny. I turned back and nodded my head in a bow. "I think that was my cue.” I placed a kiss on each of their cheeks before twirling ‘round and starting to skip off, a tune playing from my lips. " How can you dream in the doorway without ever going in? How can you dream in the doorway...” I had a pretty okay voice, if I do say so myself. "I am not your concern, the world will still turn when I’m not around. Rely on me and you’ll fall, backs up to the wall, someone let me out!” The thing about my Bunny was that he liked to run, and he always ran so fast! But if you want to catch up with him, you’d have to let him know you’re not chasing him! It’s like he can see you behind him without ever turning round – clever!


change that tone, missy!


iluvubbyzHer voice hung in the air like honey in the paths she previously walked. As she neared her dearest Harrison, she witnessed him drop all his books in shock and couldn’t help but giggle. The pills restricted her from feeling the compassion he had. Hopping behind the boy, she threw her thin arms around his waist and gave him a tight hug and many, many kisses on his soft cheeks and defined jaw line. She loved that Bunny so! He was possibly the more adorable thing she ever laid eyes upon – she could probably eat him up. "How are you today, my love?” She rested her chin on his clavicle and her sparkling blue eyes fell on her kind, wonderful roommate, Inari. "And you, as well, my dear! How did you sleep?” The feeling of a buzz in her small red purse made her jump slightly; she pulled her cellular from the bag, still remaining on Tobin’s shoulder as she read over it. Her soft, pink lips pulled in a smile while she answered.


To: Demikins
From: Anakins
(No Subject)
lolol ollikins keep me more entertained? never!
i’ll meet u then :D hope u got raspberry or chocolate!
xx
anabanana!


iluvubbyzHer fingers his send before she dropped the phone back in her bag and gave her bunny another few pecks, and stood back straight. "Oh, wow. Today is just full of sudden farewells for me,” She hummed, pointing her toes and tapping the ground like a ballerina."So I’m afraid I’ll have to catch up with you two later. Ta!” A kiss for Inari, a kiss for her Bunny and she was off again. She liked kissing, it was sweet, like when puppy dogs nuzzle your face and you can’t help but to smother them in a billion pecks on their soft, cashmere fur. There was no discrimination with Anastazja – she didn’t mind what you thought of her kisses, she didn’t mind your gender or sexuality, she would give you a kiss.

iluvubbyzUnless, of course, you were a certain male named Ludwig Ruiz. That boy was the most intimidating, beautiful, intelligent and positively remarkable young man she had ever laid eyes on. He made her want to drown in pills to block the ill-inducing throb in her chest. He knew everything, and there was nothing amazing, splendid or clever she could tell him that he didn’t already know. But while he filled her with confusion, sadness and desolation on a regular basis, she couldn’t get away from him. She scowled at the thought of that weakness, her freckles moving across with her skin. Dropping a hand back into her bag, she pulled the small plastic out again and picked out two, tiny white pills. Down her throat they went easily, and it only took mere seconds before they took effect and the thoughts were gone.

iluvubbyzSkipping past a crack, she looked up and saw Demitri nearby ; with a smile she quickly ran up to him and grinned, opening her mouth to speak before noticing the teacher beside. "G’morning, Mister Wyllt! How are you? It’s so so so great to see the both of you here today!” The last remark was directed to Demi, as well. Noting the brown paper bag, she smiled again and marched in time beside him. "I really, truly do hope you have chocolate chip. I’m in a rather chocolaty mood this morning, if you don’t mind.” She was sweet and polite, because even though they were very good friends, one mustn’t ever forget their manners!

i'm sorry, i really am, but i never put a value on people. sometimes it's so easy to crush, disappoint, and regret. a person who means the world to me at a given moment in time could turn out to have just a little blip of importance on my proverbial radar of people, in the future. someone who i really quite fancy could, existentially, morph into someone i hate with a passion, and someone who was nothing just a shadow of a presence in a school hallway could be the person i pour my heart out to. people might read this list, and they might feel confidence, achievement, or despair and misunderstanding - i cannot have any of those. while those emotions are broken down into positive and negative groups like a fork in the road, they're the yin and yang of reactions here. i don't really want anyone to find themselves on a list of my hypothetical measures of value, because there would be no mystery or wonder - if they knew how much they meant to me, they could - so easily - turn it into fuel for their actions of tomorrow.

so i refuse to make this list, and leave you with this jimble-jamble of utter nonsense, and if you can possibly, dear reader, understand it in the way that i am trying to convey it, then you have just been given a taste of the myriad of thoughts that float through my head each and every day. this should give you some sort of idea as to how much you mean to me, without the necessity of my blatant organization.

all that i can remember regretting is everything i was in the seventh grade, and everything i did then, i wish never happened. if my involvement in the seventh grade, precisely, was erased from the minds of everyone so that all they could remember was that i did that grade, i'd be happy.



missed this yesterday, soooorry. ok. this is just at the moment.

[ek.] the dream i had last night, probably the best in a while. i mean, it didn't even involve anyone from school, or that i knew in person, so don't get the wrong impression. but that dream gave me an idea of what i actually want, and i can't help hoping for it.

[do.] music. lyrics are always flitting around in my head and if i had the voice to sing, i'd be singing them all out loud like fucking aurora from sleeping beauty.

[teen.] tumblr. the people on it, the things i've seen, the jokes that nobody else would understand. yes, it's actually far greater than most people.

[char.] priorities. things i have to do, should do, and probably won't do. not to mention revelations i have made, and personal thoughts. like how it's been a while since i've talked to my lovely, wonderful taylor and i should start a convo soon, how i will not bother and start conversations with anyone else, how i will start talking to that perfect guy on tumblr, and make him my friend, and how i will not be able to do those things until i finish the things i have to make on photoshop.

[panch.] literature. i actually have snips and pieces of literate art i need to get down eventually, quirky and poetic. they all just float around in my head like lazy moths awaiting capture. same ways with the thoughts on how i need to improve my writing so i'm not such a cliche.

[jay.] him. and i mean he who does not exist anywhere but in my mind. the guy that really does seem real but will never be. the guy who is so perfect, yet so flawed, yet everything i could ever want in a friend or older-brother figure. the guy who has the single tattoo and spaced ears but wouldn't do anymore since he's a pansy. the guy whose full name hangs in my head like cigarette smoke, clarity slowly fading. he's branched from someone i knew full well, to someone with secrets to even myself -- secrets that shouldn't exist, seeing as how i've made him.

[sart.] comfort, and how i'd really like some.



"u cn't win mah <3 cuz am n0t an 0bj3c7 l0l sew d33p"
no, fucking bullshit - i have turn ons, and i have many, but i will put some here.

[ein.] be funny. i don't mean obnoxious, always LOL-ing at yourself "funny", but i like guys with tasteful humours that are pretty goddamn clever.

[zwei.] if i give you anything, you should probably keep it. it really means a lot to me if people keep significant things i give them. it shows they care enough not to toss it into a rubbish bin.

[drei.] be attractive. i mean, not just physically - i'm not that shallow - but a nice appearance will lead me to fall for you easily. but personality- and tendancy-wise, you should be attractive - how can i like you if you're disgusting, or always vulgar?

[vier.] when i talk about myself, remember the things i say, because if we stop talking, you'll be sorry if you don't remember. if i tell you to listen to a band, or look at a link, or read a paragraph of text, you better take that into consideration, because by recommending these things to you, i'm letting you peek through the smallest crevice, into my world. i'd say that's pretty fucking special - i will not enjoy a "i'll look at it later".

[funf.] be open-minded. i like to explore views a lot, and i don't like having a faith in something i can't prove. if you are deeply religious, and try to convert every non-church-goer into catholicism, i won't feel comfortable with you. i don't capitalize god. i don't pray anymore. i've lost my faith. you need to accept that.

[sechs.] be light. (while i do love skinny boys, i'm not talking weight) i make offensive jokes at inappropriate times, often, so you should learn to shrug things off. i think anne frank was the greatest hide-and-seeker of all time, next to waldo, maybe. chernobyl jokes are hilarious to me. i have a strong stomach for gory injuries.

[sieben.] be sweet. let me know you care, make it a hobby to keep me grinning, let me read in between lines that i mean something to you because, honestly, that would mean everything to me. while i can be the jealous type sometimes, making me jealous will definitely not make me chase after you.

[acht.] be yourself, and think of what i'd want. don't change yourself, but when you realize i'm not worth it, it'd do us both a world of good, maybe.



[un.] there are too many things wrong with me. i'm hypersensitive, irritable, cruel, carefree, worrisome, and a million other conflicting things. one day i'll get a proper test and see.

[deux.] works of the mind and an understanding of that is an interest, and a strength i possess. i put myself into the shoes of others too easily. it's beginning to be a problem.

[trois.] i have a distinct taste in humour, music and aesthetically pleasing images and the like. it's rarely influenced by anyone, unless negatively. people can ruin things for me, and most times the humours of other people only irritate me.

[quatre.] love: raspberries, strawberries, peter pan, bows, lace, green, blue, grayscale, photoshop, pride, music, neil patrick harris, charlie joseph mcdonnell, boys, collarbones, comfort, sleeping beauty, prince phillip, classic disney, post-it notes, flattering photographs, feeling artsy, skins, doctor who, harry potter, swedish fish, candy, crafts, personal projects, uniqueness, literature, beautiful people, pokemon, rpgs, winning, perfection, being right, being smart, space, typography, admiring graphic work, looking at graphic work and knowing how to recreate it, excitement, happiness, bliss.

[cinq.] subconsciously, i divide people i want to befriend from people i'll be a smartass with, based on general usefulness and superiority. i see through people when they're insincere whereupon the aim of their actions, and therefore i don't take well to fakers. but i can be manipulative sometimes.

[six.] i have so many pet peeves, ocd is practically my middle name. i like to hit things when i'm angry, blast angry music, and throw tantrums. i'm rarely angry in public, unless something really ticks me off.

[sept.] i am not self-confident on anything other than my wit. my voice, my looks, my personality - sometimes that just doesn't cut it for me; i don't even think i'm smart enough, anyways - just smarter.

[huit.] i have a short attention span. i'm highly adaptable, though - i teach myself things and those things work out better than instructions or a tutorial. whether it be a program, a website, a video game, or a way of speech, i can be talented at that - but i'm not talented at all.

[neuf.] if i knew people were jealous of me, that would probably only make me happier, because i honestly couldn't see it happening.

[uno.] i can't help wondering when you were done with me. i mean, would it be easier this year if we pretended we didn't know each other?

[dos.] you'll never read this, but you make me melt. honestly, just the sight of you and i'm grinning like an idiot. knowing you're in my friends list on facebook makes me feel like the luckiest gal in the world. i mean, we've spoken plenty of times - you just didn't know it. if i did strike a conversation with you, i know you'd return it happily, but i don't want to drag you out. maybe one day i'll have the courage to really speak up.

[tres.] everything always has to be messed up, huh? you're one of the people i really click with, and it's obvious we were destined to be friends - imagine if we didn't meet like we did! - but the distance; fucking distance. you're so close, but still goddam far. one day, bbg, we'll get to chill! we'll make this happen.

[cuatro.] you're anything i could really want, but you don't exist. yet somehow, it's like you're slowly taking over my mind; i'm thinking like you would, talking like you would, thinking about the friends you would have, deciding what you would be wearing. it's incredibly insane how hard it is for me to think i created you.

[cinqo.] this is so unexpected. honestly, i never thought we'd be so close - and maybe on your end, we aren't - but trust me when i say you mean so much to me. i can talk to you whenever about whatever and you'll try to understand where i'm coming from. at the same time, you're not a bullshitter, so i don't have to worry. i'm grateful, even if you don't know.

[seis.] you're perfect in every way, and for once it doesn't grate on my nerves. you can do everything better than me, but the fact you aren't competing is comforting. you're loyal and funny, and soulful, and obviously born a billion years later. mature for your age is such an understatement when it comes to you. you're basically the word "wonder", personified.

[siete.] you're pathetic. your facade cracks like glass, in my eyes. all just a charade; do you ever wake up and wish your life wasn't just some pitiful little game? then again, you never were good at admitting defeat, were you?

[ocho.] i love you, i really do. i wish i could tell you that, but right now i'm so mixed up in the head, anything you would say in response would be enough to drive me over the edge. bear the suffering of my seemingly endless belittling, for now, because i promise the end is closer than you think.

[nueve.] i think you're adorable now, i actually do, but i won't be the first to make a move. i refuse to speak to you until it doesn't look like i'm trying - because it's obvious i don't accept friendships with people in our class easily. i just hope you secretly want to know me, too, but seeing you smiling at her... i'm right behind you and i hate the view! she's trying so bloody hard; what if i only want you because it would upset her?

[diez.] i see someone like you, and it just makes me kinda sad to know that i'll never have someone like you interested in someone like me.



Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession.

Ten are-you’s
1. are you single - a pringle too awk to mingle.
2. are you happy - technically, according to this symptoms chart and shit i just checked, i'm suffering from depression? but i'm happy, just pathetic and irritated.
3. are you bored – yes, yes i am.
4. are you naked - you caught me; i'm a nudist.
5. are you a blonde- naw
6. are you moody – i'm not moody - i'm either happy or annoyed/angry
7. are you a lover/hater - love to hate? lewl.
8. are you hot/cold - i'm kind of content with the temperature, actually.
9. are you irish - fuckin wish
10. are you asian- fuck; yeah..

ten facts:
1. name – ericamay farazi
2. nicknames – erica.
3. any birth marks - on my neck, on my eyeballs, on my leg, like yeah.
4. hair color – brown
5. natural hair color - black.
6. eye color - brown
7. height - 5’6"
8. mood - blarghjslgrj
9. favorite color - peter pan green and wendy blue
10. one place to visit - the uk

ten things about your love life:
1. do you believe in love at first sight – nup.
2. do you believe in soul mates - too impractical
3….. < oh ok thanks.
4. have you ever been hurt emotionally - i'm pretty sensitive, actually. i've got a self-esteem/confidence like glass.
5. have you ever broken someone’s heart? - haha, i doubt it.
6. ever had your heart broken? - does billy count? because i honestly think being forgotted and left behind by your best friend is pretty heartbreaking.
7. have you ever liked someone but never told them? - definitely
8. are you afraid of commitment? - it can be a pain, but i'm not afraid
9. who was the last person you hugged? - jennifer :')

10. who was the last person you said i love you to? - oh, someone on tumblr. he was adorable.

ten this or that:
1. love or lust – love
2. ?? < wtf.
3. cats or dogs – dogs
4. a few best friends or many regular friends - a few best friends?
5. television or internet - internet, easy.
6. chinese or indian - if the indian looks like luca pasqualino, then indian. actually, i prefer indians over asians.
7. wild night out or romantic night in – wild night out -- romance is too awkward
8. money or happiness - ok, i think money is a subsequent factor to happiness, because i would not be fucking happy if i was constantly in debt and on the run from the government after they reclaim my house, thanks.
9. night or day - day; night is filled with so much... expectation for tomorrow.
10. msn or phone - phone phone phone -- i wish people called me more often.

ten have you ever:
1. been caught sneaking out – never caught.
2. been skinny dipping - aaaaawkward
3. ?? < fuckin' hell.
4. bungee jumped – never.
5. lied to someone you liked – yes
6. finished an entire jaw breaker – nope
8. wanted an ex bf/gf back – not anymore, actually. i mean, yeah. it wouldn't happen, anyways.
9. cried because you lost a pet – all the time; when i think she won't come back, when i'm chasing after her, i actually am always on the verge of tears.
10. wanted to disappear – yeah

ten preferences in a partner:
1. smile or eyes - eyes
2. light or dark hair – dark hair -- but certain light-haired males can look nice
3. hugs or kisses - hugs are nice, but anyone can give them; i like kisses.
4. shorter or taller – LOL, taller
5. intelligence or attractiveness - intelligence. i am a sucker for someone clever.
6. romantic or spontaneous - spontaneous
7. funny or serious - funny, serious people are fucking killjoys.
8. older or younger - older
9. outgoing or quiet - quiet boys are so sweet, aw. but an outgoing guy would be nice, i guess.
10. sweet or bad ass - sweet, forever.

ten have you’s:
1. ever performed in front of a large crowd - yeah, fuck.
2. ever done drugs – o0o0o yesterday i took a gravol because i could~ and i od'd on my puffer til i saw colours o0o0oo ~*~*~bad 2 da bone~*~*~
3. ?? < STOP DELETING THE FUCKING QUESTIONS JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE TOO DAFT TO ANSWER.
5. ever been on a cheerleading team – nope.
6. ever been on a dance team - for school, yeah.
7. ever been on a sports team - yep.
8. ever been in a drama play/production - yeah?
9. ever owned a bmw, mercedes benz, escalade, hummer or bentley? - nope.
10. ever been in a rap video? - thank god, no.

ten lasts:
1. last phone call you made – to my mum, cuz i couldn't find her in wal-mart.
2. last person you hung out with - jennifer c:
3. ?? < :|
4. last time you worked – i worked in the basement earlier today.
5. last person you chinned – ..what does that even mean?
6. last person you im’d - i don't remember.
8. last person(s) you went to the movies with – andrea, munchkin, lippa
9. last thing you missed – the butterflies, the anticipation, the cellphone buzzing
10. last thing you ate - dinner

Beep. Bip-beep. Bip-beep.

And, cue the loud metal blaring in her ears, through her large headphones. Oddly enough, though, at the sound of the guitars, drums and haunting vocals, the girl did no more than open her eyelids so the sparkling blues could focus on the ceiling dead ahead of her. It didn’t faze her; she didn’t cringe. All she did was smile and – after a few minutes – bring two, thin hands up to touch her freckled face. Another lovely morning for the wonderfully lit Anastazja Ella Marjolijn Kwaitkowski, obviously a marvellous speller.

While she naturally would have enjoyed waking up at four in the morning for no real reason, she had things to do and not enough time to do them. Her hands rose the short distance to her ears, whereupon she pulled off her headphones, dismissed the alarm on her iPod and threw her comforters back. Her average height, though tiny-in-appearance body was cloaked by a very loose-fitting shirt she made herself, by cropping off the sleeves and collar of a large band-tee. As a result, her delicate collar bones peeked out through the top, and her bra was visible through the gaping arm holes, but it was too comfortable to switch for pyjamas or a proper nightgown. Her pale feet walked her across to the bathroom, to look at her big eyes and short, black hair. With a yawn, she turned the knobs and caused water to pour from the spout; grabbing her toothbrush and minty paste, she brushed and rinsed before leaving to the kitchen-like area, where she fished in the fridge for a carton of orange juice and some leftover cake – the perfect combination for her wicked hangover.

She sat on the counter, sipping juice and eating cake, as her glossy eyes stared fixatedly at the room, which actually counted more as an apartment in the dorm building, as it consisted of multiple rooms, walls and doors. She shared the dorm with Inari, a really good friend of hers, which was hard to come by these days. Inari was always there to help Ana out when completely wasted, and it was nice to feel care that wasn’t forced. Her roommate would even get in the faces of a few guys if they tried to get their desperate, needy paws on the Polish girl’s uncontrolled body – that was definitely a noble act in her eyes.

That was enough pondering. Hopping off the counter, she quickly washed her things and went back to her room to change. She put on a nice outfit and brushed her hair from her face, then picked up her small red purse. Within minutes, she was out the door and down the halls like a ghost. A ghost with a job, though, as would have easily been acquired by the screen of her phone, reading, “MEET ME @ RONDBEND AVE @ 2. BRING THE STUFF”.

change that tone, missy!

It was a nice, nice life. I was so, so lucky! I got all the things I needed, and I didn’t really have to work for it! In fact, my personal bank account has far more than what most people my age, even if they worked full time. My solution was definitely not the most... Safe.

I walked slowly everywhere, as if my feet were positioned carefully above thin ice and every stroll was a fight to stay afloat, though due to my ballerina-like wandering, I rarely ever fell. Basically, I took a hard topple while running over wet tiles and while nursing the fractured wrist, I swore to myself I’d be very, very careful next time. It wasn’t like I couldn’t run – I don’t have a fucking stick up my ass, thanks – but I liked taking time in the little things, too. But this pace, and obsession with beauty in simplicity was my downfall, as it always added ten or twenty minutes to whatever the average time over distance would have been.

So when I got to Rondbend Avenue (which didn’t exist, by the by, so I had to settle for Roundbend Avenue, instead; shame) my client was rather impatient. ”Just bring out the fucking pills,” I looked at him with my big doe eyes a second, before reaching into my bag and retrieved a small, plastic bag with about four of those tiny mints you get in the little tins – you know, the ones that are no bigger than a pinkie fingernail? I passed him one, and he looked at it hesitantly, for far longer than most would. ”Well then? I haven’t got all day, you know,” After seeing me pop an actual pill in my mouth, he did the same; I counted in my head until forty before letting the reckless, happy, free emotions build up in him.

”Hands up where I can see them!” a voice called gruffly from behind me.

Oh, so I’d been set up. What a shocker. I turned to face the tired copper and tilted my head to the side. Trust. ”But, officer, what for?” He scowled at me with his gun armed – bitch, do I look like I’m hiding a weapon in my knickers? ”For illegal possession and distribution of drugs,” I laughed softly and offered the mints out to him, causing him to flinch like I was a scary beast – silly man. ”Sir, you can try them if you like; they’re just mints,” Sceptical as he was, he took one up and smelled it but before he could come up with a verdict, fuckhead number one piped up from behind me. ”But they can’t be! I was so high!” I cocked an eyebrow at him. ”Well, surely these are just candies, so perhaps the good man here should be checking you, not me!” The officer perked up as if he had a sudden stroke of brilliance and pushed my client to the ground, searching him and tossing the contents of his pockets on the ground around us. My escapade obviously wasn’t completely fruitless, I realized, when I saw the wallet tossed to the side. Man, life was good.

change that tone, missy!

After loitering about town for an hour or so at her fragile speed, she made her way back to the school, sun having risen without her notice. Oh how lovely and light she felt that she didn’t even remark at a brilliant presence like the sun’s! It did make her feel powerful, like she was actually in control of her life, even if some prick would have to come along and tell her that her use of drugs isn’t a choice but an addiction, but she wasn’t about to readily give up her amusement, simply for the reality of others.

In addition to the first pill she took when dealing, she took three LSD. It made the air around her look like volcanic ash, swirling about, and the scenery like something out of a fairytale. As she neared the large castle that existentially was her school, she was so held in amusement, she had momentarily forgotten she the building had not changed, ever, and she’d seen and marvelled at the same thing when high for so long now. ”The goodies will absolutely dread my name after this one!” The sound of a familiar voice made Anastazja look down from her interested gaze and at two – wait, three – pretty good friends of hers. She smiled sincerely – or maybe that was the acid talking, she could never know – as her blues scanned over Oliver, Mim and Dante. ”Today is so marvellous!” she giggled, twirling on her tip toes. ”I tricked a copper into arresting an undercover agent! It was so, so, so funny!” The childishness played on her face to fill in the gaping holes of insecurity and doubt she had. She liked to cover up the fact her life wasn’t what it was cracked up to be at all.

stole this off tumblr, but changing it up a bit
M = Marry
K = Kill
L = Lust
C = Cuddle
Nothing = Meh

1. Russell Howard L C M
2. Criss Angel K
3.Robert Pattinson K
4. Jeffrey Dean Morgan
5. Hugh Jackman C M
6. Brad Pitt K
7. Jared Padalecki
8. Taylor Lautner K
9. Jackson Rathbone M C L
10. Robert Downey Jr. M C
11. Jared Leto M C L
12. Adam Gontier
13. Matthew Goode C
14. Christian Kane
15. Michael Welch C
16. Jensen Ackles C M L
17. John Cusack
18. Matt Dillon
19. Ryan Reynolds C
20. Andrew Lee Potts <3 C M
21. Lee Pace C M
22. David Tennant C C C C C C <3
23. Ryan Sheckler K
24. John Krasinski C
25. Rupert Grint C M <3
26. Justin Chambers K
27. Ed Helms K (just because he fucking annoys me on the office omg)
28. Patrick Dempsey LOL C M L
29. Johnny Depp C
30. Bradley Whitford
31. Paul Rudd C
32. Cory Monteith C L
33. Dominic Monaghan C
34. Zachary Quinto C
35. Jon Hamm
36. Josh Holloway i liked him better with short hait
37. Joseph Gordon-Levitt C
38. Taye Diggs
39. Allan Hyde C L
40. Christian Slater
41. Alexander Skarsgård
42. Sam Worthington L
43. David Boreanaz
44. Sam Trammell
45. Ryan Kwanten
46. Neil Patrick Harris C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C M<3
47. Adam Lambert ..cuddle
48. Michael C. Hall
49. Matthew Morrison
50. Chace Crawford L
51. Robert Carlyle
52. Milo Ventimiglia L C
53. Chris Pine L C
54. Tom Cruise K K K K K K K K K K with fucking fire
55. Joshua Jackson
56. Ewan McGregor L C M
57. Robbie Williams
58. Matt Bomer L
59. Oguri Shun K
60. Orlando Bloom
61. Zachary Levi L L L C C C M M M <3
62. Raza Jaffrey
63. James Murray C
64. Jonas Armstrong C L
65. Logan Lerman RSGKJSSGKJHRGJLWERG OMG C M L C M L C M L C M L C M L <33333
66. Keith Urban
67. Andy Roddick L
68. Henry Cavill L
69. James McAvoy C M L
70. Matthew Perry (omg wot he is old and like a father to me)
71. Lucas Till K
72. Ben Whishaw
73. Tom Sturridge L
74. Michael Cera K
75. Matthew Gray Gubler C L
76. Ian Somerhalder L
77. Paul Walker
78. David Beckham L
79. Jason Segel
80. Matt Smith ESGNKJERSGKJERWGKLJKLRGERWGKLJJERWG CUDDLE ERRYDAY <333
81. Jude Law C
82. Collin Farrell
83. Alex O’Loughlin
84. Jonathan Rhys Meyers L
85. Adrien Brody C
86. Jim Sturgess C M
87. Ryan Gosling C
88. Jared Followill FGHJKL C M L
89. Hugh Dancy ^
90. Paul Wesley K
91. Zac Efron K
92. Bradley Cooper C
93. Jesse Eisenberg
94. Jason Dohring c
95. Michael Angarano
96. Xavier Samuel L
97. Jim Parsons
98. Hunter Parrish L L C C
99. Nathan Followill
100. Vin Diesel
101. Steven Strait
102. Channing Tatum K
103. Stuart Townsend
104. Gerard Butler C
105. Adam Gregory L
106. Ben Barnes C M L C M L C M L C M L <3333
107. Justin Long <33 C
108. Sebastian Stan
109. James Marsden
110. Oliver James LOLN
111. Taylor Kitsch MMGAMBIT
112. Ed Westwick K
113. Matt Dallas L M C L M C L M C <3
114. Kiefer Sutherland
115. Josh Duhamel C
116. Mark Salling
117. Kevin McHale OH YEAH FUCKING ALL THE WAY IF IT'S IN A WHEELCHAIR BBY!
118. Shia LaBeouf L
119. Jerry O’ Connell
120. Adam Brody L M C L M C L M C L M C L M C <33
121. Christopher Walken LOL
122. Daniel Brühl HE LOOKS LIKE ANDREW LEE POTTS.
123. George Clooney K K K K YOUR TIME HAS COME, BUT I WILL NOT
124. David Strathairn r u fr srs?
125. James Franco L L L C C C M M M
126. Matt Damon
127. Heath Ledger
128. Nathan Fillion
129. Ashton Kutcher
130. Billie Joe Armstrong
131. Antonio Banderas NO ME GUSTA
132. Michael Phelps
133. Matt Theissen C C C C C M M M
134. Scott Michael Foster
135. Aaron Hill
136. Elijah Wood FUCK LIKE RABBITS (loljk)
137. Joe Anderson
138. Gale Harold
139. Aaron Johnson L M C L M C L M C L M C L M C L M C <3
140. Luke Wilson
141. Hayden Christensen <3 C L
142. Toby Hemingway L
143. Adrian Grenier
144. Tal Cooperman K
145. Kellan Lutz K
146. Dave Franco L L L M M M C C C
147. Tom Welling ^
148. Justin Hartley
149. Nick Jonas K
150. Mitch Hewer L L L L L L L L L M M M M M M C C C C C C C C C C C <3333333
151. Jason Schwartzman
152. Eric Dane
153. Cam Gigandet K
154. Sean Bourke
155. Apollo Anton Ohno
156. Chad Michael Murray K
157. Joe Jonas K
158. Dave Annable C
159. Nick Valensi C M L C M L
160. Chase Utley
161. JR Celski
162. Leonardo Nam
163. Carter Jenkins C
164. Rafi Gavron
165. Colin Egglesfield
166. Matt Lanter C L
167. Matt Long
168. Ben Lawson
169. John Cho
170. Dan Carter
171. Tom Brady
172. Sean Faris L L L
173. Mark Sanchez
174. James Lafferty
175. Mario Lopez
176. Enchong Dee
177. Xian Lim
178. Gerald Anderson LOL ASIAN
179. Jake Cuenca
180. Daniel Radcliffe C
181. Jesse Lacey
182. Josh Farro L
183. Christian Bale
184. Daniel Craig
185. John Mayer
186. Rove McManus C C C
187. Mark Wahlberg C
188. Michael Bublé C
189. Gael García Bernal L
190. Leonardo DiCaprio
191. Sean Faris [already said]
192. Julian Casablancas C L M
193. Albert Hammond Jr.
194. Fabrizio Moretti
195. Nikolai Fraiture
196. Chuck Norris K (i'd be the girl who killed chuck norris obv)
197. Nathaniel Motte K
198. Andy Samberg C
199. Trent Ford L
200. Russell Brand
201. Jack McBrayer C
202. Seth Meyers C
203. Sean Hayes C
204. Christofer Drew C
205. Jimmy Fallon C
206. Jason Sudeikis
207. Alex Turner C M C M C M C M L <3
208. Frank Turner
209. Luke Pasqualino C L C L C L C L C L
210. Jesse Metcalfe
211. Jack O’Connell L C L C L C L C
212. John Barrowman < BAAAARROOOWMAAAAAAAN~ C
213. Fabrizio Filippo
214. Randy Harrison
215. Jon Fleming
216. Mark Ruffalo
217. Wentworth Miller
218. Steven R. McQueen C C C
220. Nicolas Hoult C L C L C L C L C L C L <3333
221. Mario Ancic
222. Tongayi Chirisa
223. John Travolta
224. Hugh Laurie C C C C C C
225. David Duchovny
226. Goran Ivanisevic
228. Zinedine Zidane
229.Yannick Noah K
230. Joakim Noah K
232. Nelsan Ellis ..LOL
233. Matt Le Blanc
234. David Schwimmer
235. Matthew Perry
236. Giovanni Ribisi
237. Keanu Reeves M BECAUSE HE'S IMMORTAL MUAHAHA
238. Harrison Ford C C C
239. Richard Gere C C C
240. Louis Garrel
241. Shane West L
242. Tony Parker K
243. Viggo Mortensen
244. Eddy Cibrian
245. Brian Austin Green
246. Tongayi Chirisa
247. Hal Sparks
248. Jake Gyllenhaal C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C C CC <33333
239. Oliver Martinez
240. Justin Timberlake
241. Chris Evans L L L L L L L
242. Benjamin Mckenzie C L C L
243. Devendra Banhart
244. Tom Ford
245. Dick Van Dyke
246. Matt Sanders
247. Tom Felton C C C
248. Mike Bailey C C C C C C C C C C
249. Jay James
250. Eicca Toppinen K K K K K
251. Brian Haner Jr.
252. Alec Baldwin
253. James Hetfield
254. Bruce Springsteen
255. Zack Baker
256. Benji Madden
257. Ville Valo
258. Matt Tuck
259. Joey Jordison
260. Oli Sykes C L
270. Joel Madden
271. Jonny Craig
272. Neil Westfall
273. Johnny Seward
274. Tre Cool K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K K
275. Jimmy Sullivan
276. Matthew Leone
277. Dave Grohl
288. Ronnie Radke

today i was being scolded by my parents about how i'm always on the fucking laptop, so i said, "at least i don't sneak out in the middle of the night and do bad shit" and then they started mocking me. "oh, look - she thinks she's so good cuz she doesn't sneak out. we make it easy for you -- don't sneak out, why don't you just leave? go pack and live somewhere else; see if we care. maybe your friends are the ones doing all the bad stuff and rubbing it off on you."

for fuck's sake -- you guys are a terrible excuse for parents, so stop blaming the people that care about me and look in the sodding mirror. where are all the "thank you"s and "have a nice day"s that parents are supposed to give? how about ruddy life lessons? i'm pretty sure i'm more catholic than you are, mum, and i'm practically athiest. you can't be a good person in church, then leave and cuss everyone out for being too slow on the way out! christ's sake, now you're telling me we should go to church? hell, if you get into heaven, my opinion on a god would really sink. it's disgusting how you people see others. like they're all fucking items for your manipulation. it's no wonder i don't want to live here. i say one thing to you guys and you make fun of me. i tell you i want to get into a good university, and you tell me i can't. not going to make it.

then you have the bloody tenacity to tell me that i don't love my own brother? who's the one who shares her little life stories when we're alone together? who defends him when he's at the park? who taught him how to play video games? who showed him how ace drums and guitar are in hardcore songs? you should be lucky i'm not like you lot -- at least i don't tell him that the world's full of idiots. then again, he should know soon with a good look at you two that it is; too much of a bloody coincidence that two completely heartless people could find each other. get a fucking divorce -- you should never have married. and don't say i wouldn't have been born if you were together, cuz i know there was no real love.

So you want to hear my story, hm? Well, it’s not really a story that a father would tell his kid, but would make a great screenplay, probably. I mean, you probably want to know exactly how I’m always so happy and why I reject adulthood so much, right? Well, then, I guess I should tell you, but it definitely isn’t a walk in the park.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Leroy Collyn Cornelius, of Alsatian and Scottish descent. He was extremely average, though more on the intellectual side than the athletic side. His main strength was always literature, and he absolute fed off of it – really! If he was a car, that was his fuel. He could easily go a day without rest, or food, or drink, but a day without his writing or reading would be unthinkable! For that reason, he wasn’t too social, living his life strictly on the work he created. And they were marvellous.

He passed through high school like a ghost with his soul somewhere else, paying no mind to anyone but Alexander, off on another adventure to defeat the Evil Emperor, or Harry Potter, defeating the Dark Lord. Leroy graduated, was accepted into a good university, and only then did he really, truly tear away from his books and see the world in colour. Since he was taking classes he chose, it was obvious he didn’t have to fight to ignore it all around him. Lee went to parties, had fun, tried new things and made friends. It was a great time for him.

Anyways, it was through letting himself go that he met my mom. He was becoming a bit of a known name around the campus, because of his frequent attendances, so it wasn’t a surprise when he was filling his little red cup from the keg when a stunning blonde came up to him and struck conversation. Conversation that led to lips locking, a bed rocking, moans and hushes. It also eventually led to a pregnancy, a controversy, forced love and marriage.

That entire charade of romance was what brought the air to my lungs, and it was all a mistake? I was the only thing that held my parents together, and it hurt. Every single day of my life, as soon as I learned to talk, listen and walk, was spent listening to two people fight. Absolutely hated each other, they did, but were held by the very thin promise of their wedding vows, a tie made when my health was established, six months in. Every day I was reminded that everything was my fault. If I was never born, these two people wouldn’t have to live together in complete disarray, and everything would be happier, right?

Around the time of my sixth birthday, my parents had enough money to move out of their extremely shabby, two-room apartment, and into an actual townhouse in a real neighbourhood. It was nice to be allowed outside without having to worry of the terrors that lurked in elevator shafts and stairwells. I took in sunshine every day, leaving the house to go to the park as soon as I had finished breakfast, avoiding the crossfire of the raging wars.

It was on one of these little adventures that I stumbled on a pretty little girl, sitting at the front of her house. Unable to keep myself – she was the first kid I ran into since we had moved a week ago! – I instantly introduced myself. ”Hi, I’m Connor and I think we should go biking to the forest if you have a bike with you!” That was a basic introduction for me, and it worked like magic because she followed suit and started hanging out with me. In fact, you might know her as my absolute best friend in the world, Evangeline Saintsre. God, I care about that girl more than anyone else, and I hope she knows that.

Fast forward to the third grade – things got rough for me here. Fighting at home was worse and Dad started to hit Mom, then turn on me. Plates were smashed around, blood would spill the floor and shouts would cause the house to tremble. I’d lock myself – literally, I biked down to a Lowe’s and installed a locking system – in my room and just cry. Why couldn’t I have parents like everyone else’s, who would kiss away my wounds, read me bedtime stories and take me on trips to the zoo? I felt like a coward for crying, but I couldn’t help it – my heart hurt. I didn’t know who these people were, but they were my ”parents” and they ”loved” me, my teacher told me. Eventually, I stopped unlocking my door, completely, and disappeared through the windows, where they couldn’t track me. I didn’t care how many times I hurt myself by landing in the rosebush because I knew where I was going and it was better than “home”.

A funny thing it was, how someone who I had no clue existed just appeared to me one day, and since then I have never stopped thinking about her. She’s the friend I’ve always wanted, the truth that love exists, the exception to my fucked up life – the only exception to my fucked up life. You know something’s gone terribly downhill when you’re only eight and you have no doubt in your mind that you have a place of solace. I’d slip on my Spiderman pyjamas, fill my Toy Story backpack and turn out the lights, hoping God would make the fall from the second floor an easy one.

And he must have answered my call because I had just whispered Geronimo and hopped off the ledge when I didn’t feel the ground. I was dizzy and confused and wanted to throw up: there I was, hovering three feet from the ground. I just stood – well, insert synonym for “hovered” here – there and gaped from the ground. Hell, with my parents’ sorry excuse for impressions, the first thing I thought was, “Am I on weed?” Then, I fell, which wasn’t as hard as it would normally have been, and I ran off into the night, down the street, round a bend and to the side of Eve’s house, where I stood for literally five minutes, trying to fly my way to her window again, but it didn’t really work that way, and I had to struggle with climbing once again.

But I did that a lot: I’d spend more time at Evan’s house than my own. I’d always come in the night, bringing new things of mine that we’d keep in the very back of her closet. Most times, she’d scoot over in her bed and I’d roll my sleeping bag on top of her blanket. I remember how she smelt of L’Oreal Kids’ Tear-free 2-in-1 Shampoo, it was nice. Sometimes, though, we couldn’t risk her parents sneaking upstairs and I’d sleep under her bed. Sooner or later, there was no more to bring from my house to hers and I realized whatever had kept me in my old home was broken down. With the Saturday Funnies and a pencil, I scribbled a goodbye note, tears running down my face. It was somewhere then that I realized I didn’t want to grow up. I didn’t want to say goodbye. I didn’t want to risk everything I had for love. I didn’t want to end up disappointing someone so badly. I was shaking at the end of it, but I set the folded note upon my desk, unlocked my bedroom door and kissed the window’s ledge farewell for the final time before going back to Eve’s. I tried to say strong – why would I cry in front of a girl? – but when she asked me what was wrong, and I saw the concern in her eyes, my jaw quivered and I teared up again. “I don’t have a family anymore, Tinker...”

I built a treehouse during the day, in the woods where I got to know my best friend for the very first time, and at night I’d sneak back to her house and she’d offer me a sandwich, which would make up for the lunch I missed anyways. Eventually, the treehouse was sturdy and was a haven during the day. I called it Neverland, and it became so much more than just stolen wood and nails. Neverland was where I finally learned to fly.

I had been using a knife to craft a wooden sword from the leftovers of the magical treefort, and when it was done, I always played with it. I’d run around the little room like a swashbuckler and flail it around and sometimes I’d end up a little too close to the edge, but it never stopped me. I’d teach myself to jab at inanimate objects while yelling various fencing terms. As you could probably guess, I slipped off and nearly fell all the way down fifty feet, but started hovering again. Thinking about one thought that made my heart happy, I tried to control it. Hesitantly, I moved around; slowly forward, slowly back. I could easily get the hang of that! So I clapped my hands together and propelled myself upwards, then tried a nosedive and nearly died of fright when I didn’t come straight up. But as soon as I learned to fly, I found Tink and shared the news with her.

Bold all that apply.

RELATIONSHIP WITH MYSELF
I am definitely not perfect, but I accept that.
I’ve worked hard at becoming the person I am.
I like the person I am.
I do have a few problems with myself.
I think I’m beautiful.
I think I’m all right.
I think I’m ugly.
I think I have a great personality.
Personally, I find myself annoying.
I always find myself saying negative things about myself.
I have said that I think I’m "too fat" before.
I try to be positive about myself.
I figure that the only way anyone else will ever love me, is if I love myself first.
I take good care of myself, on the outside and inside.
I feel that there’s a lot of pressure placed on me to be "perfect" but I try not to let it get to me.
I’m just trying the best I can.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY FRIENDS
My friends are seriously amazing.
I don’t know what I’d do without them.
One or more of my friends have stabbed me in the back.
I forgave them.
However, there are a few I didn’t forgive.
I have one best friend.
I have several best friends.
I’ve had a friend steal my crush/boyfriend.
I stopped being friends with her because of it.
I have at least 1 friend I tell everything to.
I have more guy friends than girl friends.
Guy friends are definitely less dramatic.
I have at least 1 guy friend I can go to receive an honest opinion/advice from.
I love going anywhere with my friends.
My friends and I are crazy together.
Most of my friends have the same clothes & music taste as me.
I love my friends.

RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY FAMILY
My family can be annoying at times, but I still love them.
My parents are divorced and it can be difficult not having them both around sometimes.
I have been fighting with my parents lately.
I can tell my mother anything.
I’m a daddy’s girl.
Holiday dinners with my family usually promote fights.
Actually, my family’s holiday dinners are pretty pleasant and fun.
I like my cousins.
My parents are pretty easy-going.
I live with my parents.
My parents have embarrassed me in front of my friends.
Actually, they embarrass me on many occasions.
But I guess that’s normal.
My parents give me an allowance.
I have a sibling.
I have a pet.

RELAi0NSHIP WiTH MY BOYFRIEND [Skip to next category if you don’t have one]
Our relationship has lasted longer than 6 months so far.
We have said "I love you" to each other.
He’s done something romantic for me.
We go out together at least once each week. <-- we will when we're back at university. I can tell him anything. He asked me to be his girlfriend. I asked him to be my boyfriend. We talk on the phone with each other at least once a day. He is nothing short of amazing. We have broken up and gotten back together. Our relationship is healthy. He’s bought me something really expensive. We have grown a lot as a couple, over the good and bad experiences. I think he’s a little controlling at times. I think I may break up with him soon. I think we’re soul mates.

RELATIONSHIP WITH MY CRUSH [Skip if you did the "Boyfriend" category]
I have a crush.
I think about him a lot.
He has no idea I exist.
We have some classes together.
I think he likes me too.
We flirt with each other a lot.
I think I may tell him I like him.
I stare at him during class / in the hallways.
I am guilty of scribbling his name in one of my notebooks.
I guess you could say, "I admire him from afar."
There’s no chance we’ll ever be together.
If he wants to be with me—he’s going to have to make the first move.
He seems like potential boyfriend material.
I’ve told my friends that I like him.
I talk about him a lot.
When I’m around him, I get really nervous.

we are an example of why not to fall in love.
it takes a turn and then it hurts more than you could dream of.

taylor:
*I WANT HIS PUPPY SO BAD
*He named it Old Man. LOL

me:
*ZAT IZ YOUR BF?
*FSLJLFKRJGKLRWG

taylor:
*yesh.

me:
*OLD MAN GET DOWN FROM HUMPING HER LEG!
*OLD MAN, STOP CHASING THOSE CHILDREN!

taylor:
*LOLOLOLOL OMGOMGOSGNJSPFHASUR{W)AUTAZFD

me:
*OLD MAN, YOU DON'T BELONG BEHIND THE PLAYGROUND SLIDE!
*TRSHSRGJLKSJGKLERS

taylor:
*LOLLOLOLOL OMFV LOLOL

me:
*he's a clever kid
*~~

taylor:
*I don't think he realized that he did that ahahaha, he's kinda dumb XD

me:
*ohmygod, take his dog to the park and reenact the lines i just said
*and then he will realize
*IF I COULD, I WOULD NAME MY DOG NIGGER
*BUT HAVE IT BE PRONOUNCED CHARLIE
*OR THE OTHER WAY AROUND
*SO I'D FILL OUT FORMS LIKE
*PET NAME: NIGGER.

taylor:
*LOLOLOL OMFAOSPHFP(ADFAYP( HAAHAHAHAHAHAH

me:
*AND PUT PEOPLE IN UNCOMFORTABLE SITUATIONS
*'uh, do we have a "NIGGER" here?"
*"who's here for NIGGER?"
*JGSSKLEJGLKERJGLKJE

taylor:
*OH MY GOSOASFHP(IYFPADA

me:
*ohmygod one day, we should get puppies and do this
*;d

taylor:
*YES YES YES

me:
*OK OK DUN DEAL



thank you vickie bby for turning my graphic into a complete layout
<3
luv u 4eva + eva

i just wish we could just go back in time.
i just wish you'd talk to me like you used to.