fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

{ chapter one } [origins of today.]

10.4.10 at 9:27 AM

Somewhere, the sun’s hanging high,

shining away brilliantly like the great ball of fire it is. Somewhere, you can see the birds having all the fun, soaring against the blue sky like props against sapphire drapes. Somewhere, a million brilliant things were happening, obvious to any bystander, but these brilliant things weren’t happening here. The sun, the sky, the birds – all was hidden behind tall buildings and leafy trees. It was autumn and the leaves had already started to fall, scattering the lawn and forming a colourful carpet beneath the feet of a little girl.

The little girl sat on the thick plastic seat of a park swing, the toes of her little shoes dipping into the sand as she slowed down. Her cherry-red dress billowed slightly with every small gust of wind, also ruffling her straight black hair. Warm brown eyes looked around with curiosity at the kids who played around her. She was too shy to get up and talk to them, but longed to do so anyways. Nevertheless, her tiny hands only tightened around the swing’s chains.

There was a quiet thump and the sound of footsteps drawing nearer, muffled by the soft sand. She turned her head in time to see a boy around her age running near her, dressed in a red windbreaker, Toronto Blue Jays baseball cap, tiny jeans and sneakers. He smiled timidly as he approached.

“Hi, I’m Charlie,” he introduced himself with ease, whereas the little girl had to compose herself for a second before answering herself.

“A-Alice – I’m Alice.”

Charlie’s eyes, blue as marbles, fell to the sand under the swing seat before he pointed at the spot, looking back at her.

“My ball is under you.”

“Sorry?” Alice asked, quite unsure as to what he meant.

“My ball,” he pointed again until she shifted her gaze to the ball in question.

“Oh.”

She reached down and plucked the softball up from beneath her and passed it to him, clumsily shaking her black hair out of her eyes. He took the ball and held it in his hands, dusting off the sand with his thumbs as if contemplating some big, life changing decision. After a few seconds that felt like a lifetime to Alice, Charlie looked back up at her. He looked cautious for a second before grinning warmly.
“Do you wanna play some catch?” he asked. She thought for a little while, before replying with a small smile of her own. “Okay,” she said.
Alice released herself from the swing, unaware yet that she’d never have to sit alone at a swing ever again.

{---}

Twelve years later, things were different now; I’m still the same Alice Clementine, but so much has changed since that time in Moss Park on the corner of Sherbourne and Shuter. While Charlie and I played that day, our parents started talking and became something like friends. We’d hang out often, staying at one another’s house after school and on the weekends. I made other friends, but by the time I did, I was already so tight with Charlie.

Everything was great until just about the third grade, when my parents decided they might want to move out of Toronto to Mississauga, a smaller city just thirty minutes away but so suburban in comparison to the bustling city. My parents were just looking for a new house when probably the worst possible thing happened: Charlie’s dad had a heart attack, his mum already passed away while she was in labour. I was only eight at the time, so I’m not too sure about the details, but Mr. Brooks was so close to our parents at the time that after quite a discussion, a decision was made; papers would be signed immediately and Charlie would be placed in the custody of my parents.

It was a complicated procedure that resulted in a small debate with a judge and a lawyer, but in the end, Charlie was left in our hands, his father passed away at ease and we moved to a new house – a definite step-up from our little apartment. I hate to be so brisk about it, but that’s just how I am with sentimental things: if I cry over it again, I’ll only hate myself. I was already so close to Charlie, his dad was like an uncle to me, and just watching him look so sad and empty inside was enough to tear anyone up inside. Believe me, I don’t ever want to have to linger on those thoughts for too long.

But Charlie’s long past the grief of his parents’ death. He’s accepted it, not feeling so bad since he’s not alone. He’s always been an ingeniously witty person, so you probably wouldn’t realize how spiritual he actually is. When his dad passed away, he only mourned for about a week, after which he was absolutely positively convinced they were in a better place; truth is, they are. But it’s still pretty amazing how he managed to realize that at only five. Mr. Brooks was agnostic, but baptized Charlie as part of his wife’s dying wish, a rather strong Catholic. That meant that Charlie didn’t go to church, or Sunday school, nor did he have a Bible or any of that in his house that he could even make reference to; but it also meant he went to the same Catholic elementary school that I did. There are times that I wonder upon the odds of that – what if the priest wouldn’t baptize him because his father wasn’t a Catholic or Christian? – but then I just close my eyes and thank fate or God for whatever’s happened so far.