fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

{ chapter three } [routines]

10.4.10 at 10:32 AM

After nearly paying attention in my first two classes,

it was finally lunch. Our chemistry teacher always dismissed us early, so I made use to the time to walk down to Charlie’s Computer Technology and Robotics class where I usually pick him up to walk with him down to lunch or to his locker, before meeting up with Adelaide. Although the class is full of geeks and hardcore gamers (who are only in this class to practice modifying their consoles illegally), Charlie isn’t really either – we play video games a lot, but would never be caught chugging Mountain Dew and living like hermits. He started Computer Technology in the tenth grade as an elective because he thought robots were cooler than cooking school food or painting abstract art. What started as a bit of a last resort soon became a favourite; who knew Charlie was such a computer genius?

So I waited outside the door for a few minutes until the bell rang. The kid stayed back a bit to talk with the teacher, and then left and we proceeded with the routine. Char said he didn’t really need to go to his locker, so I suggested we meet Addy at her locker. Charlie may not have known my alternate objective, but he agreed anyways. We climbed a flight of steps to the third floor and got to her locker.

But, alas, Mister Unknown wasn’t there.

I tried not to let the disappointed scowl reach my face, but I didn’t have to try too hard; Addy was already setting her lock in place when we reached her.

“Let’s go?” She asked to the two of us. It wasn’t really a question, but I nodded anyways and we started back down the grey steps all the way to the main floor. A tall, lean-built guy with an argyle sweater and dark jeans stood near the door waiting for us and we met up with him. That was Seth, the guy from my AP English class. He had high cheekbones, a calm face, hazel eyes and tousled chestnut hair. He hugged Charlie when they were near before releasing and addressing the rest of us with a warm hello.

Just like a commuter catches the same train into the city, picking up the same double-double medium coffee and sitting in the same cubicle every single day, this was our routine. Seth always waited for us when he was here and we always rode in his car to wherever we wanted to eat lunch, or kill time before class. Some people joined us sometimes, but this was the norm right here. Well, aside from Parvati, the really pretty Indian girl who’s been with us since tenth grade.

“Parvati sick?” Charlie asked. I swear he always found a way of reading my mind.

“Naw, she’s got a dentist appointment,” Seth explained as he adjusted the rearview mirror and slipped on a pair of aviators. “She asked if we could meet her in the mall. I said okay, I mean, we’re going there anyways, right?”

“Yeah, actually – might as well make use of this uniform-free day,” Addy confirmed.

So Seth tuned the radio to the Edge, one of the only good rock stations on the radio. Especially now: it played Cage the Elephant as often as those other stations play Lady What’s-her-face and the girl who won American Idol. We chitchatted lightly; the ride to Erin Mills Town Centre was a short one, really. Our school wasn’t too far from there in a car.

The parking lot was pretty empty, not too surprising since the nearest high school from there was set just across the street; no need for a car when you can access a good burger or Chinese food by walking. They had it lucky, I guess.

Parvati was already waiting for us in front of the dental office in the mall, and once we collected her, we split up in search of what we needed. Addy, Charlie and I go off in search of refreshments or ice cream, leaving Seth and Parvati to order our lunch. The two of them went off to the food court and we went to the opposite wing of the mall. We lined up in front of Bubble Tease and ordered slushies with extra tapioca; strawberry for me and green apple for Adelaide – we usually alternated between our flavour choices.

Lunch was uneventful, and I’m thankful she didn’t bring up “my distraction” to anyone else. I was perfectly content with sipping my drink and stealing some orange chicken and pad thai from Seth and Charlie. Adelaide didn’t stop from checking out some guys from the other school, though. I drifted in and out of the conversation, hearing bits and pieces of things like “he’s a definite hottie” and “no, no, no – he needs a haircut”.

I felt like I had momentarily been immersed in Narnia: what had felt like years to me ended up being only about half an hour, and after what felt like for ever, the Styrofoam take-out containers and plates tossed into the recycling bins with empty plastic cups and straws. It made me wish that I had been less absorbed by my own thoughts and more active in this conversation.

{---}

Being back at school, I was suddenly alert. It was a shame, since I really wished I could join the vast majority of my class in a huge slumber during Anthropology. I don’t know how people did it, really. I mean I can go as far as put my head down on the desk and close my eyes, but then I suddenly become so incredibly self-conscious. What if someone’s awake and watching the way I slept? What if my shirt was riding up and everyone was getting a view of my back? What if? A million insecurities and situations always played in my head.

But Media Arts was a better class. I don’t know how, but I am always energized by the simple presence of a computer with access to the Internet and Adobe Photoshop programs. Text designing was one of the things I did. I didn’t ever pay much attention to colour saturation and all that jazz when I started as a kid, but I have a bit of respect for photo manipulation, sure.

I managed to save what I was working on and sign off exactly as the bell rang, which was good because I had this rushing want and need to get to Adelaide’s locker. Surely I’m not crazy to believe that no matter how good-looking and seemingly mysterious a guy can be, he’d go back to his locker to pick up his stuff after he dropped it off there in the first place, right?

So that was my basic mantra, but I prepared myself for the worse, slowing my heartbeat as best as I could and keeping the excitement and anticipation from my face. He won’t be there. He won’t be there. He won’t. The thoughts chanted in my head, because Murphy’s Law had this ironic way that when you think something won’t happen, they usually will; and when you’re excited for someone, they don’t happen; and when you’re looking good, you won’t see a single person; and when you’ve got a blob of mayonnaise on your shirt, everyone shows up as if to admire it. Therefore, if I told myself, and thoroughly believed, that he wouldn’t be here, even if it seemed inevitable that he’d show up to reclaim his skateboard, I could safely be satisfied when he did show up. And I know it may not make sense to you right now, but when you catch yourself doing it in your own situations, you’ll probably think, “Oh, so that’s what Alice meant…” and everything will just fit into place.

Alas, Murphy (whomever he was) must have seen through my seemingly clever trap and decided to torture me cruelly. Just as I turned the corner to that particular hall of lockers, I caught a glimpse of his green hat and receding figure pushing the doors into the stairwell and leaving.

Adelaide, however, was just coming down the hall and totally missed my ten-seconds of shame. It was honestly like being Frankie Muniz in that one film where his mum gives him a puppy for his birthday, but his dad takes it away, just as poor little Frankie got a chance to hug it . As clichéd as it sounds, it really was like watching a prize get ripped out of my hands. No wonder beauty queens were so murderous.

“I swear to God I’ve got so much homework.” Adelaide sighed as she tossed her art bag in her locker. “I’ve got to sketch someone valuable to me by tomorrow. A full sketch in one night!”

“It’s all right, you can pull that off easy. Not like you have to colour or anything.”

“But I had plans tonight. Not to mention I’ve got a load of other homework to do. History essay due, too.”

“See, you could’ve dropped that after last year, but no, you thought it would be better for you as an immigrant. I’m glad I’m not that mature.”

She faked a pout before we both bust up laughing and headed down to the first floor to meet Charlie and maybe get a ride home from Seth.