fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

{ chapter two } [my distraction.]

10.4.10 at 9:29 AM

“I was walkin’ down the street when out’ the corner of my eye"
“I saw a pretty little thing approaching meee.”

I groaned and turned over, pushing my palms to my eyes before stretching my hands up over my head, grabbing the cool, black metal of the headboard and yawning.

“Could you use a li’l company?”

It was Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked by Cage the Elephant and the singer’s voice drawled in my room, the alarm automatically increasing the volume for every second it suspected me to be sleeping in; sooner or later, the whole house would be awake and I’d only have hell to pay. I blindly reached out, trying to hit the snooze button. I failed, of course, and ended up hitting my fingers straight down on the edge of my wooden bedside table. The impact sounded like cracking bones and panicked me just a bit. I pulled my knuckles to my mouth and angrily sat up, eying the evil alarm clock. I pressed the snooze successfully this time, having the luxury of open eyes, and the display dimmed down, still reading ‘6:30 AM’.

School didn’t start for two hours, but I might as well get up and fix myself, anyways. At least then I wouldn’t have to rush.

So I threw back my blankets and walked groggily to the bathroom to brush my teeth, burning myself a bit more than I’d like to admit to with the blasted flat iron in attempts to fix my bangs. After nursing the last of my burns, I worked on getting my curly hair to look less like Annie and more presentable. I left the bathroom satisfied with my hair and walked to my room, passing a rather dazed looking Charlie. His wavy, saddle brown hair was messed up – and, no, not in that gorgeously tousled way – and his blue eyes were glazed. In his plaid boxers, he looked like an American Eagle model gone zombie.

“Looking hot,” I commented as he fumbled with the bathroom doorknob.

“Shut the hell up,” he replied, locking himself in. He was the total opposite of himself in the mornings, shame.

“Good morning to you too, sweetheart!” I called back before clicking my door behind me and edging toward my closet. I ignored the uniforms and pulled out a hanger, draped with a full outfit from the v-neck and sweater vest to the layered necklace and straight leg jeans.

Yes, I know it sounds lame, but I’ve already planned my outfit, and you would, too, if you have to wear a uniform every single day for four years. You see, at our school, we have to wear uniforms everyday, with the exception of ‘casual days’ and retreats. On those designated days, we can wear whatever we like, and even the fashionably lame – like yours truly – perfect their style while detesting the skirts, khakis or polos we are confined to.

After slipping into the outfit, feeling nice about my appearance, I left my room and headed down for breakfast. My mum was already fixing something Filipino – she called it tagsilog or something – that consisted of fried egg, Filipino sausage and garlic rice . Don’t think that my mum’s some extremely cultural traveller or anything: she’s full Filipino, born and raised and everything. She doesn’t have such a thick accent, but that’s probably because I’m used to it. She pronounces Vs as Bs and Fs as Ps , and doesn’t always know the proper word for something. I don’t really speak tagalog , though, since I was born in Toronto and my dad’s pretty French.

“Morning,” I said as I reached into the cupboard for a glass. She simply nodded her head, turning off the stove and singing along to the snippets of chorus she knew to the pop song on the radio.

As I pulled up a bar stool – we have one of those raised counters across from the sink – and cut a slice of longanisa to pop into my mouth, Charlie came into the kitchen and sat up on the stool next to mine. He rolled up the sleeves of his light blue hoodie and starting on his eggs, getting up again to grab himself a drink.

“Why don’t you just get your drink before you eat?” I inquired. He always did that. Charlie was the type of person who waited until he had rice clogging his throat before he got something to wash it down.

“Because I don’t need to drink while I eat. I’m not dependent on it like some people, thanks.”

“And you say this as you chug orange juice?”

“Just stop questioning my ways, ‘kay?”

I shook my head in despair as I walked around to leave my empty plate in the sink. Normally I would’ve had to wash it, but it was already half-past-seven and we needed to walk. I hurried up the stairs to brush my teeth, rinse with mouthwash and grab all my school stuff, because I have come to the conclusion that whenever I don’t double-check, I forget something. Thus, by gathering my belongings and so forth at least ten minutes before departure, I’d have enough time to run through my mental checklist. I have a small case of short-term memory loss.

Within minutes, Charlie and I were out the door, enjoying the surprisingly warm, March weather. It was probably only six degrees Celsius, but when you’re Canadian, you learn to appreciate any warm weather you can get, even if it’s not really the kind of weather you would go swimming in.

We did our usual detour on the way to the school to pick up Adelaide, my best friend since the eighth grade. She started off as an annoyance to me, just because she was a new student – she moved here from Australia, but I don’t know why she’d want to leave – and had a crush on Charlie that caused her to flirt with him every minute of every day. I really hated her, her stupid Australian accent, her awesome clothes, her naturally perfect sandy-blonde hair , and the fact she thought she could flirt with any guy she wanted. I was almost positive that if Charlie went out with her, I’d lose him as my best friend.

That thought reigned in my mind until the eighth grade dance, where he announced his homosexuality; after about fifty girls asked him to dance and confessed their secret crushes on him, he felt the need to wipe out the whole colony of ants with a large, single sweeping of repellent. The messy haired, blue eyed boy went straight up to the microphone and said with a sheepish grin, “Sorry everyone. I meant to tell you I’m gay. Must’ve slipped my mind, aha.” There was silence, everyone digesting that small fact. They thought he was kidding, but the sincerity in his eyes told them otherwise. A couple of girls were stunned, but it didn’t really affect them.

However, Adelaide was the one I found crying in the bathroom after the announcement. I couldn’t help but feel bad for her, I mean, she could have any guy she wanted and the one she really liked was now openly gay. I won’t get into all the details, but I think it’s pretty clear we’re all rather close friends now, even if Adelaide still flirts with everyone and Charlie’s dating this guy in my English class named Seth.

Charlie rang her doorbell while I waited on the sidewalk, and she stepped out in a plaid skirt and complementary blouse, her blonde hair in their usual mermaid curls and her green eyes accentuated with the perfect makeup that made you deny the fact she wore any at all, besides the cherry-dipped lips. She closed the door quick behind her before either of her little dogs could run out.

“Aw, you guys look so cute!” She chirped, playing off the fact she looked amazing.

“You’re the one who looks like she stepped out of a magazine,” I replied.

“Now, now, girls. Can’t we all just get along?” Charlie proposed as he walked ahead of us. “Besides, we all know I’m looking the best here – spent hours on my makeup.” His sarcasm was always refreshing.

“Oh, yes, dear. I’m sure Seth will be all over you.” Addy was sincere as she readjusted the strap of her shoulder bag. She never wore backpacks; they would cramp her style.

“Yeah, how are you guys, by the way?” I asked. Charlie rarely talked about him at home, unless they were planning on going to the movies, which was usually a group thing, anyways.

“We’re good, why?”

“Just double-checking, is all.”

He nodded and turned back to watch where he was going, narrowly missing a street sign and a car. I don’t know how he did it, but I was pretty convinced he was coveting a secret, superhero identity. I spent the rest of the walk building up the facts for this secret alias. By the time we had reached the side doors of the school, I had enough detail to write a book, which would continue to remain the third best book in some foreign city. Addy held the door open for us and we ascended up the stairs together, until we came to the second floor, where Adelaide and my lockers were located. We waved Charlie off and went to my locker first, dropping off my light jacket and textbooks before going to Addy’s locker.

I leaned on the locker next to hers as he nearly emptied her bag and fixed herself in the mirror. We started the usual conversation about boys, styles, school, and current events. It was practically tradition, holding three years strong. We’d go to her locker, she’d drop her stuff off, I’d stay with her and while we hung out there, we’d talk. It was nice and made up for the fact I didn’t live with her like Charlie.

“So anything new with Olly?” She asked as she touched up her lip-gloss.

I felt my face turn red and my chest tighten considerably. “No.” I replied and she gave me a sympathetic look anyways. Olly was Oliver, the guy I’ve been “dealing with” since summer. He was pretty talented in swimming and anything music, so I always ran into him in any music store or at the pool. I obviously had a crush on him, and we progressed into being pretty good friends, but when this year started, everything changed. I’d almost forgotten: Oliver West-Laurent was practically off-limits to every girl in the school, just because almost every girl in the school liked him, especially Rebecca Dawn Stygian, ex-best friend and little miss bitch. I was surprised he still remembered my name, and called on me with greetings whenever he saw me, but that soon died down. Someone told him I liked him and he told me he wasn’t sure of his feelings. Basically, to any girl, that translated to “no, sorry, I don’t like you, but I don’t have the guts to tell you that to your face and I probably don’t want you to stop liking me so I can make your life hell while I flirt with everyone else”. Okay, Oliver was just a nice guy, but it basically went like that. And now I was looking for opportunities to talk to him again, to at least reclaim our friendship.

“It’s okay, he wasn’t good enough for you anyways.” Addy said with simplicity.

It was a typical friend thing to say, and I was about to reply with some quick remark about how he was good enough for everyone else, including Rebecca, when I realized she was only trying to help. God, I hated when I felt like such a prick to everyone.

“’Scuse me.” A voice called from behind me. I jerked away from the locker apologetically, forgetting momentarily that other people used lockers, not just Adelaide.

“Maybe you’ll find someone else.” She added as she reached down in her locker for her back-up makeup kit.

“Yeah, sure, because people just fall out of the sky, right?” I retorted, nearly hitting the guy in front of me.

It then occurred to me that I’d never seen that guy at that locker before. In fact, as far as this year started, I’d never seen anyone at that locker. I mean, you’d think I’d be able to remember a guy with black hair, spiked in a kind of faux-hawk, and watery-blue eyes. His skin was fair – not super pale, but not even slightly tanned – with barely noticeable freckles here and there. He wore a green toque, a plaid dress shirt and straight-cut jeans. I considered him to be gay – just for a second – but he had a skateboard, and I remember Seth saying once that there were never any hot gays at the skatepark that he ever met.

I heard Addy clear her throat and the guy turned and caught my gaze. I realized I’d been staring at him the whole time and casually, but quickly, looked away, clicking my tongue. Adelaide couldn’t help but laugh and the guy cocked his head to side as he analyzed us.

“What?” he asked me after a second of unsuccessful deduction.

He totally caught me off guard – since when do people actually ask why you’re staring at them? If someone were staring at me, I’d awkwardly avoid any association.

“Oh, ehm, nothing, I just really like your hat.” Oh, wow. Of all the smooth things to say, I just had to compliment his hat. That, dear readers, was the reason I haven’t had a boyfriend since the ninth grade.

He grinned, though, and turned back to his locker. I was somewhat disappointed. Yes, I got a smile, but I thought he’d say something at least. He closed his locker and turned to me, fixing an iPod earphone in his ear.

“Well, I really like your sweater vest. Vintage.”

And then Mister Unknown smiled and left, leaving me to collapse on his locker once more.

“Who was that?” I asked Adelaide.

“Your new distraction.”