fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

just some writing again

16.8.10 at 11:07 PM

Beep. Bip-beep. Bip-beep.

And, cue the loud metal blaring in her ears, through her large headphones. Oddly enough, though, at the sound of the guitars, drums and haunting vocals, the girl did no more than open her eyelids so the sparkling blues could focus on the ceiling dead ahead of her. It didn’t faze her; she didn’t cringe. All she did was smile and – after a few minutes – bring two, thin hands up to touch her freckled face. Another lovely morning for the wonderfully lit Anastazja Ella Marjolijn Kwaitkowski, obviously a marvellous speller.

While she naturally would have enjoyed waking up at four in the morning for no real reason, she had things to do and not enough time to do them. Her hands rose the short distance to her ears, whereupon she pulled off her headphones, dismissed the alarm on her iPod and threw her comforters back. Her average height, though tiny-in-appearance body was cloaked by a very loose-fitting shirt she made herself, by cropping off the sleeves and collar of a large band-tee. As a result, her delicate collar bones peeked out through the top, and her bra was visible through the gaping arm holes, but it was too comfortable to switch for pyjamas or a proper nightgown. Her pale feet walked her across to the bathroom, to look at her big eyes and short, black hair. With a yawn, she turned the knobs and caused water to pour from the spout; grabbing her toothbrush and minty paste, she brushed and rinsed before leaving to the kitchen-like area, where she fished in the fridge for a carton of orange juice and some leftover cake – the perfect combination for her wicked hangover.

She sat on the counter, sipping juice and eating cake, as her glossy eyes stared fixatedly at the room, which actually counted more as an apartment in the dorm building, as it consisted of multiple rooms, walls and doors. She shared the dorm with Inari, a really good friend of hers, which was hard to come by these days. Inari was always there to help Ana out when completely wasted, and it was nice to feel care that wasn’t forced. Her roommate would even get in the faces of a few guys if they tried to get their desperate, needy paws on the Polish girl’s uncontrolled body – that was definitely a noble act in her eyes.

That was enough pondering. Hopping off the counter, she quickly washed her things and went back to her room to change. She put on a nice outfit and brushed her hair from her face, then picked up her small red purse. Within minutes, she was out the door and down the halls like a ghost. A ghost with a job, though, as would have easily been acquired by the screen of her phone, reading, “MEET ME @ RONDBEND AVE @ 2. BRING THE STUFF”.

change that tone, missy!

It was a nice, nice life. I was so, so lucky! I got all the things I needed, and I didn’t really have to work for it! In fact, my personal bank account has far more than what most people my age, even if they worked full time. My solution was definitely not the most... Safe.

I walked slowly everywhere, as if my feet were positioned carefully above thin ice and every stroll was a fight to stay afloat, though due to my ballerina-like wandering, I rarely ever fell. Basically, I took a hard topple while running over wet tiles and while nursing the fractured wrist, I swore to myself I’d be very, very careful next time. It wasn’t like I couldn’t run – I don’t have a fucking stick up my ass, thanks – but I liked taking time in the little things, too. But this pace, and obsession with beauty in simplicity was my downfall, as it always added ten or twenty minutes to whatever the average time over distance would have been.

So when I got to Rondbend Avenue (which didn’t exist, by the by, so I had to settle for Roundbend Avenue, instead; shame) my client was rather impatient. ”Just bring out the fucking pills,” I looked at him with my big doe eyes a second, before reaching into my bag and retrieved a small, plastic bag with about four of those tiny mints you get in the little tins – you know, the ones that are no bigger than a pinkie fingernail? I passed him one, and he looked at it hesitantly, for far longer than most would. ”Well then? I haven’t got all day, you know,” After seeing me pop an actual pill in my mouth, he did the same; I counted in my head until forty before letting the reckless, happy, free emotions build up in him.

”Hands up where I can see them!” a voice called gruffly from behind me.

Oh, so I’d been set up. What a shocker. I turned to face the tired copper and tilted my head to the side. Trust. ”But, officer, what for?” He scowled at me with his gun armed – bitch, do I look like I’m hiding a weapon in my knickers? ”For illegal possession and distribution of drugs,” I laughed softly and offered the mints out to him, causing him to flinch like I was a scary beast – silly man. ”Sir, you can try them if you like; they’re just mints,” Sceptical as he was, he took one up and smelled it but before he could come up with a verdict, fuckhead number one piped up from behind me. ”But they can’t be! I was so high!” I cocked an eyebrow at him. ”Well, surely these are just candies, so perhaps the good man here should be checking you, not me!” The officer perked up as if he had a sudden stroke of brilliance and pushed my client to the ground, searching him and tossing the contents of his pockets on the ground around us. My escapade obviously wasn’t completely fruitless, I realized, when I saw the wallet tossed to the side. Man, life was good.

change that tone, missy!

After loitering about town for an hour or so at her fragile speed, she made her way back to the school, sun having risen without her notice. Oh how lovely and light she felt that she didn’t even remark at a brilliant presence like the sun’s! It did make her feel powerful, like she was actually in control of her life, even if some prick would have to come along and tell her that her use of drugs isn’t a choice but an addiction, but she wasn’t about to readily give up her amusement, simply for the reality of others.

In addition to the first pill she took when dealing, she took three LSD. It made the air around her look like volcanic ash, swirling about, and the scenery like something out of a fairytale. As she neared the large castle that existentially was her school, she was so held in amusement, she had momentarily forgotten she the building had not changed, ever, and she’d seen and marvelled at the same thing when high for so long now. ”The goodies will absolutely dread my name after this one!” The sound of a familiar voice made Anastazja look down from her interested gaze and at two – wait, three – pretty good friends of hers. She smiled sincerely – or maybe that was the acid talking, she could never know – as her blues scanned over Oliver, Mim and Dante. ”Today is so marvellous!” she giggled, twirling on her tip toes. ”I tricked a copper into arresting an undercover agent! It was so, so, so funny!” The childishness played on her face to fill in the gaping holes of insecurity and doubt she had. She liked to cover up the fact her life wasn’t what it was cracked up to be at all.