Around the start of March, posters were put up around the school and announcements were being made for the "Early Bird Ticket Sales" for the semi-formal dance in June. I didn't care much for it -- if I wanted to go, I could buy the tickets once I'd made up my mind, but it wasn't too much of a big deal right now. Since it was already a new semester, I had new classes. The people in them, though, were beyond my general circle of friends (or ex friends) and that meant I'd have to make new alliances in these classes. That was fine with me; since I'd become friends Abigail, I'd started coming out of my shell more. We hung out wherever and she introduced me to her other friends as if I wasn't any younger than she. The fact they enjoyed me brought out my confidence, and I was walking the halls with my head high, seniors greeting me as I passed. It felt pretty good.

I will admit, house parties become a little more frequent, but I still had a friend in Ada and my parents had grown accustomed to my monthly sleepovers at Mere's house (allegedly). People knew me more and, as much as I wouldn't like to admit it, I'd used weed twice or three times more. As it wasn't my first time anymore, I began to feel the drug taking effect. I was hungrier, my stomach was completely numb, I didn't feel any nerves and everything was fascinating to me. At least now I didn't have to worry about anyone else turning on me for using it -- though I didn't get addicted. I didn't want to get addicted to that, addictions would follow me all through my life until I shook them off. I think that was a pretty wise choice, on my part.

My job was great. Kenneth sadder than usual and when I finally asked him what was wrong, he told me it was just because he was sad. I felt a little impatient but he kept insulting himself and it got on my nerves. I didn't think what he was saying was true; he'd tell me he was unattractive to girls, that he was dull and unintelligent. I don't think those traits were possible for a single person, let alone Kenneth. He didn't let me see him sad as often, after I told him firmly to stop worrying because he was just fine, but every now and again, I'd find him taking a pill from his bottle of prescribed Zantax -- at least he was getting medical help; that was good.

Connor was amazing, too. He called me more frequently and we went out more often. He kissed me more publicly, yet also hung out with me alone. I was more comfortable with him, I think, that I ever was with Oliver. Luke told me it was pretty clear that Con liked me, and I took some pride in that. The brunet even started to teach me to skateboard, which was a little humiliating in front of his friends (and Jeff's camera) so we would just ditch some lunches or classes to make use of the empty skatepark. Within a week, I was able to skate around without falling, but nothing more.

As I was coming home from work, I got a text from him inviting me to another party -- but this one wasn't at a house and wasn't that close. "Just come over to Damian's house, that's where Jeff'll be picking us up." It sounded like a pretty done deal to me, so I gave my parents the rap and they didn't even bother with any questions anymore -- they didn't worry so much, as long as I came home safe and had my cellular.

I went down to the familiarly large house and waited with Damian on the front steps until Connor joined us, shortly followed by Jeff and his black Toyota. Abigail was in the front seat, so I ended up caught in the middle, between Connor and Dam. I felt bad for the quiet boy -- he barely said a word to anyone whenever we were all together, but I liked talking with him and I was glad he was comfortable enough to talk with me. If the blue-eyed skater didn't have his arm draped around me, I was pretty sure I'd have a huge crush on Damian; he was sweet, sensible and intelligent. He analysed things and always left me with interesting facts. Instead, though, here we were listening to loud rock in the back of a car while being driven a place I was unfamiliar with. My stomach jumped a little when I realized how dangerous that would've sounded if I told my parents that, and felt relieved when I got their startled reactions out of my head.

We pulled up to a warehouse-looking building, but there were all the signs of a club: loud music, a bouncer and flashing lights. Despite the fact it was in a warehouse among warehouses, it seemed pretty awesome, to me. The cool, mid-winter breeze caught up with me as Damian helped me out of the car and I dug my hands in my pockets. Snow was still on the ground, but the gravel road was only icy. It was times like this that I had the false impression Dam liked me -- I wouldn't be appalled if he did. But, of course, I met Connor first and was already headlong infatuated when I met the shy boy. If things are meant to work out, they would.

The large guy at the door let us in and we entered the club; I immediately felt like Lucy passing through the closet to Narnia. It looked so much bigger on the inside (though I'm sure the dimensions were the same) and the strobe lights and smoke immediately made me excited. Connor pulled me by the hand and led me to the centre of the crowd of people dancing or making out. As some vaguely familiar music came on, Con and I raved along. Within minutes, my body was just excited; I felt high, but I was completely sober. All the excitement of my first club -- I couldn't help but wish I'd taken Ada with me, but she probably had already been to clubs.

Leaving the group, Con took me with him to find some drinks (surprisingly not a difficult find, despite the dense space). He gave me a beer and I drank, having grown used to the taste with my new found party experience. Soon enough, it took a little bit of a toll, but my tolerance to alcohol was pretty high so I didn't have to worry too much about getting knocked out fast. I was panting and a little exhausted, and I didn't even really notice until I was away from the crowd. My face was hot with exertion and I could feel sweat at the nape of my neck, but Connor kissed me anyways. We kissed often, I noticed, but I got butterflies every time. A little buzzed, I let him guide me to a pretty banged up couch near some chairs at the outskirts of the party. We sank down in the cushions and the intensity increased. My hands found the warmth of his back under his shirt and our tongues wrestled. I was more used to this by now, but I still felt dirty explaining it, to be honest. I never really was the type who made out, but now that it was something I had come to expect every day or so, I got used to it -- and it was fun.

Soon enough, we were exhausted and just resting on the sofa, me atop him. I felt his phone buzz in his pocket and he fished it out, gave it a glance and kissed my neck. "C'mon," it had the tone of a question, but I didn't pay much attention to it, I just got up and walked with him to a location he hadn't told me. I trusted him, for the most part. We met up with Jeff and Abby, both tousled-looking, and a brief exchange of words took place before the four of us were moving again, this time down a quieter hall. A guy was there, but his features weren't too clear to me in the dark, away from the flashing lights and only lit by a single incandescent bulb in the wall lamp. He held up a little plastic bag to Jeff, who fished in his pocket for a wad of bills. The guy counted it and requested forty more; Connor pulled out a ten, Abby a twenty and both turned to me. I shrugged and managed to find two fives to complete their transactions. Caught in the moment, and dazed by beer, I didn't really understand what I was contributing to. When we left the guy, though, and I was given a tiny, white pill with some design engraved on it. Looking up at the others, confusion lucid in my eyes, I saw them drop it to the back of their tongue and wash it down with their drinks. I did the same.

After half an hour, or what felt like minutes, it kicked in. I felt like I was given a shot of pure caffeine -- so alert, yet so relaxed at the same time. Butterflies that had absently been flitting around my hands and stomach were quickly ceased and everything was trippy, for lack of a better word. I just wanted to laugh and jump around. My reaction time was worse and I only noticed when I fell on him that I realized Connor and I had separated from the other couple and were on the couch once more. His hands travelled up and down my back inside my shirt and mine were on his sides. I can’t remember enough to go into further detail, but it was pretty sexy.

I woke up at Damian’s house, in his bed beside him – our clothes were still on so I was positive we didn’t sleep together, but someone took enough care to remove my coat and such outerwear before tucking me to bed. As much as I wanted to thank Connor for this action, I knew it had to be someone who wasn’t completely smashed out of his mind – ergo Damian. I had a wild, pounding headache and a funny taste on my tongue, so I got up and walked to his bathroom to brush my teeth with the toothbrush I had learned to carry with me whenever I was invited to a party. I had experience, now, to prepare for these things. Mouth minty fresh, my head still hurt when I tried to recall the night before.

Back in Dam’s room, I crossed my legs on his bed and saw the time – roughly eleven in the morning. I woke him up as gently as I could and he got dressed. He reminded me so much of Sebastian – save for the fact Seb was far more outgoing. He offered me some cereal and a Tylenol without me having to even ask him -- it was a pretty courteous gesture.

"So," I began, dipping my spoon in the bowl and mixing the milk and Rice Krispies. "Where are your parents?"

Since I met him, I hadn't seen them -- ever. It was too strange to be coincidental and when he didn't answer immediately, I was afraid he'd break some life-altering story to me; a car crash, a missing person report, death or abandonment, but he just shrugged and pulled up the chair next to me.

"They're just away," he told me plainly. My eyebrows rose and he caught the gesture: I was not satisfied with that answer. "My grandmother fell ill in Poland, and since my father's her only son, it's his duty to make sure she's all right. And if she passes away, he'll need to be there anyways to pay last respects."

So death, it was. I looked to him with a frown, unsure how he would be taking it, but he didn't look to bothered. As he caught my eye, he tilted his head. "I've never met her before, so I don't really hold sentimental value over her. It would be sad if she died, but her husband already passed from a brain tumour -- I guess they'd be better off together?"

I nodded, he seemed like one of those guys who believed in romance and love but didn't wish for it. I think he had had the same epiphany Seb did: that love would happen and he just needed to let it work. The difference was that Dam didn't seem to have much trouble, and he also wasn't gay (as far as I knew).

I left his house after that and headed home, leaving him with my best wishes, in general. I hoped he'd find better friends if he didn't believe that his current were treating him too well. I even hoped that he'd found a friend in me (not to quote Randy Newman or the Toy Story films). I also hoped his grandmother would either live or go up to be with her husband in a quick and painless way, and that he himself would find his true match soon -- but I didn't have to wish too hard for that, because I believed he would be happier.

Labels: nanowrimo