fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

hm.

7.1.11 at 8:22 PM

this is honestly the first time since summer i've cried.

it doesn't count like when i watched hachiko and cried.

there's like this weight in my chest and a stitch in my side.

and i'm not bawling, or sobbing, because it's not as easy for me to cry now as it was before, but it's still a change.

i think it just really hit me that two people i care a lot about are leaving me for other schools.

i never even talk about jeremy but he's honestly my best friend, because he can totally relate to me, and while he's older with a bunch of other friends, he's mine. selfish as it is, i treasure him because everyone else seems to belong to someone else -- my other close friends turn to their best friends when something happens but few people i know can turn to jeremy like me.

he's the friend that most girls want and i'm lucky to have him. the guy who's comfortably close, but never romantically, who makes me happy. he calls me cute, calls me a faggot, calls me things that still make me smile. he's like a big brother to me, but i guess everyone has that moment when their big brother has to go to university. i don't know what it'll be like with him gone ): i haven't even known him long enough..

the other one, i don't know if i really care about him or if he's just a passing fancy, but i do know there is no other guy who will invite me to get ice cream with him, or go shopping with him. i like his hugs, his hair flip, his dimples, the smirk he has when he's trying to prove me wrong, the way he makes eye contact with me, his attention to detail (even when it comes to my clothing and mannerisms), his eccentricity, the annoying way he says my name, the way he can hold my attention after saying my name (because i know whatever follows will be interesting), the awkward hugs he gives me, the charming way he says my name when he says goodbye, the way he criticizes me, all of the surprises and the chill that runs down my spine when he makes me feel like a deer caught in headlights. i'll probably read this later on in life and i may have prejudice either for or against these facts, but on this seventh of january at eleven-fifty-two-post-meridiem, i feel this way. and at this moment in time, i do hate the thought of him leaving -- terribly so! -- but he's doing whatever makes him happy, and i know i'll move on even if my stomach flips at the thought. maybe i'm just as masochistic as he is, in the contextual way.