fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

a brief dissection on jekyll / hyde.

12.6.11 at 6:55 AM

(ignore grammatical errors: it was midnight and i was tired)

The character in the video is deeply conflicted, and such is obvious. His split personality has him constant war with himself – a foe he cannot hide any secrets from. On one hand, he is a demon: the creature under the bed or lurking within the shadows. He is evil and sinful; he is what parents warn their children of. They say to be wary of him, for they all live in fear of ever chancing upon him. But he cannot run from himself: while he may moonlight as a brave and fearsome monster, he is also a victim trapped in a cage. He is imprisoned for life.

He teeters on a fine thread. He is an undiscovered neutral in the bad – good dichotomy of society. By nature, he is essentially good, kind and earnest – perhaps even feeble. And he hates his alternate persona for being so wicked, wrong and dastardly, though he cannot hate it wholly for it makes him strong: stronger than he’s ever been before, stronger than he’d ever be alone, stronger than he’d ever be again. He wouldn’t want to be excised perhaps secretly, he wishes not to rid himself of the other being completely but to learn to harness its power for his own benefit. If he were able to grasp this capability to enhance himself, he could be the normality he so wishes he was. No longer would he jump between the two polar sides, he could potentially discover a way to become balanced; to control himself and be a little more humane. If he’s able to master his own defect and weakness, it would existentially make him a better person (in theory). He would no longer be a coward or a villain, but an equal mixture of both, for the better. The good traits of his weaknesses should piece him together as perfection, and in his equilibrium, maybe he can find peace.

But it’s too difficult: his persona is a mind of its own, bloodthirsty and reckless and wanting nothing more than to cause destruction with its acts of petulance. He is on the run from a parasitic enemy who knows everything about him – and how can you run from what you are? There is no possible way to! And this futility sends him into fits of bordering insanity. The only sure fire way to have this creature exhumed from the pit of his soul, body and mind and disposed of is to sacrifice his own life – but what satisfaction would that do? All of his fears are spawned of the root fear of death and to kill himself would just give his alter ego the satisfaction of his demise.

All in all the options to remedy his dilemma are very few, and when man comes to realize he has his back trapped up against a sleek wall with no positive outlooks in sight, he can either cry out, “woe is me“ or succumb to the darkness he has fought so tirelessly to stay away from.