fate's a cruel mistress, girl

August 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 May 2010 June 2010 July 2010 August 2010 September 2010 October 2010 November 2010 December 2010 January 2011 February 2011 March 2011 April 2011 May 2011 June 2011 August 2011 September 2011 October 2011 November 2011 January 2012

ericamay, 25may1995, single forever, devoted to peter pan

charlieissocoollike, doctor who, peter pan, you me at six, i see stars, andy oliver, devin oliver, ribbons, bows, drummers, bright colours, black and white contrast, people who smile a lot, laughing, beats, rhythms, being good at something, fireworks, writing, sketching, details, internet, photoshop, graphic design, coding, paint, crayons, paper, plain goldfish, the colours green and blue, prince phillip, princess aurora, tinkerbell, neverland, disneyland, disneyworld, crush the turtle, chemistry, storybook romance, arctic monkeys, britain, irish accents, every accent, scottish boys, skinny boys, pale boys, collarbones, freckles, gingers, photobooths, madina lake, billy idol, chocolate chip cookies, toffee, tiny marshmallows, hot cocoa, good memories, bloodrushes, laughing, singers, musicians, good headphones, punching the backs of car seats while listening to hardcore music in parking lots, hugs, kisses, winter, sweaters, hoodies, scarves, snowflakes, eyelashes, pretty eyes, dark hair, blonde hair, straight hair, wavy hair, offensive humours, people who don't take things seriously, heated debates, awkward moments, having private concerts home alone, red pandas, sharks, weasels, minxes, puppydogs, kittycats, post-it notes, caring reminders, strawberries, raspberries, william beckett, matt smith, karen gillan, david tennant, alex turner, joe brooks, noah and the whale, mumford and sons, los campesinos, french people, foreign languages, magic tricks, illusions, photographs, macros, doodling people i know, doodling people i wish i knew, pens that flow smoothly, shortbread cookies, tapping my feet, high fives, pokemon, laughing so hard i cry, being told people love me, winning, swedish fish, candies, neil patrick harris, nerimon, frezned, danisnotonfire, alexisonfire, billy talent, taking back sunday, john gomez, brian dales, alex pettyfer, logan lerman, tumblr, squareenix, old names, music class, good friends, late-night confessions, hanging out anywhere, eccentricity, spontaneous people, people with good memories, being unforgotten, lyricists, air heads, scissors, kicking, unicorns, rainbows, miss rainicorn, adventure time with finn and jake, flapjack, we came as romans, architects, joy division, two door cinema club, emma watson, george craig, emma watson and george craig together, the hoosiers, old photos, chalk drawing, graffiti, skateboarders, bmx riders, comic fanatics, superheros, guys, candy in tin cases, pastel stars, pointless wishing, sweet dreams, morning messages, text conversations, honey on toast, apple jelly, internet memes, advil, motion city soundtrack, vampire weekend, rolo tomassi, people named connor, people named sebastian, william, james, oliver, owen, eoin, alexander, joshua, andrew, aaron, christopher, jackson, hunter, and the like, the afterlife kids, downloading music, new downloads, video games, rpgs, shooter games, screaming, all forgotten, arcade fire, the asteroids galaxy tour, kick ass, aaron johnson, christopher mintz-plasse, devon werkshire, thick rimmed glasses, flickr, hipsters, cute kids, never growing up, beastie boys, we are the ocean, blink182, chameleon circuit, john green, hank green, paper towns, the perks of being a wallflower, lewis carroll, c.s. lewis, absolute brightness, the chronicles of narnia, lockets, trinkets, mimes, golden pocketwatches, nifty antiquities, halloween, sewing, the click five, parkway drive, cold war kids, obscurities, confessions, bookstores, candy stores, inside jokes, walls of wonder, being awesome, skins, kaya scodelario, luca pasqualino, jack o'connell, nicholas hoult, max hewer, hannah murray,

and a number of other things...

are writing collaborations gay?

4.8.11 at 11:19 PM

basically:

- ellinor is practically the ice queen ok this bitch fakes every emotion

- but she likes thomas, but they're not dating or anything

- thomas is partially colourblind, has a stuttering problem, and is just very awks

- he also slept with her best friend

- accidentally

- not like "WHOA OOPS I FELL AND MY DICK WENT INTO HER COOCH"

- he got drunk and he's supah awks

- and she's like half-veela so she could rape danny devito and he wouldn't mind

- but uh oh someone told ellinor and now she's mad

- i didn't mention this is harry potter related, did i

- yeah it is.

Taryn says (23:42):

Tom waited for the Slytherin quidditch practice, a book in his hand and an apple in the other. He had his black peacoat on, and his house scarf around his neck. Tom normally hated apples, because the only apples he could see were the yellow ones, but those were gross. As soon as the quidditch game ended, Tom got off of the bench, making sure that he didn't have any leaves or anything, and made his way over to Elle, just a tad nervous, considering that Elle had been avoiding him. Was she mad at him, had he done anything, would she talk to him ever again? Tom didn't know. Practically cornering her, well, in the room, he tried to confront her after the team left, she obviously wasn't having it. "E-e-ellie... Did... Did I do something w-wrong?"

⇨ hey, hey, ericamay! says (23:44):

quidditch games was supposed to be invigorating but today... ellinor wasn't into it. the thought frustrated her, but her mind was occupied by other matters. she didn't know what she wanted to do; she didn't want to talk to anyone. it was hard to even SPEAK to noreen on the pitch after knowing what had gone on between her and tom. elle couldn't BELIEVE something like this could have happened. her hair was tied back in a ponytail and she was dressed in her quidditch uniform and, frankly, she felt she looked a bit of a mess. when she got into the change rooms, she gave her usual motivational speech and went to clean herself off. and it was a blessing she did that, really, because when everyone had left and she was about to head back to the common room and wallow in her own confusion, she heard a familiar stutter behind her. her heart leapt with excitement, but her head throbbed with dread. she had been avoiding thomas simply because everything was too much to handle, but then it became something of a habit. taking a deep breath, she turned the face him and tried not to look into his eyes. "what makes you say that, thomas?" her tone was polite, but they had always been more relaxed than that. her present niceties were the equivalent of something worse, but a bystander wouldn't know the difference

Taryn says (23:59):

*Thomas started chewing nervously on the inside of his bottom lip, his fingers twiddling together as his gaze went up from his hands to hers. Something was wrong, something was terribly wrong, and either Tom was completely clueless, whic was definitely possible, or he had forgotten what he did do. Either way, he had no idea, and all he could do was stand there. Shuffling over to her, still awkwardly chewing his lip, he reached out to touch her arm, but instantly regretted that decision. Instead of pulling his hand back towards his body, he just kind of let it stay there, almost like a pianist playing without a piano. "I.... You've been.... Ignoring me... and.... I.. I miss y-you... Are.. Are you okay...?" That didn't occur to him until now, maybe something happened with her family, or a sibling, or a father or something. That might have made her sad. Damn, Tom felt like a complete moron for not asking earlier, maybe that was why she was mad. His sisters did it a lot, getting mad at Tom for not asking why they were upset, so maybe Ellie was doing it, too.

⇨ hey, hey, ericamay! says (00:08):

*thomas' tone... one of the main reasons she had had to ignore him in the first place. how could she be as vicious and relentless as she wanted if she heard him speak? he sounded so vulnerable and confused and it wasn't fair. as much as she'd like to keep this up -- pretend nothing was wrong and push him away like she inevitably pushed away anyone else who got too near to her core -- she didn't want to hurt him. she had put so much effort into making him happy, keeping his spirits up, that she couldn't stand to break it down with a single, fell swoop. with a sigh, she sat down on one of the benches and looked up at him with her fixating stare. she just watched him, analyzing the feeling she saw in his eyes. "i don't know, tom, but i know i'm not okay..." her tone was still frosty, even if inside, she was fighting her urge to break down and forgive him for something he didn't yet admit to have done. she wanted to hear him say it, though. "is there something you should tell me?"

Taryn says (00:11):

*Thomas was growing even more concerned, and all he could do was open and close his mouth as if he was going to speak, as if the words would magically come to his mouth. They never did. Looking like a fish, Thomas watched as she took a seat, and following her lead, kind of, Tom kneeled in front of her, leaning on his knees in balance, his unbuttoned black peacoat revealing an awkward red and pink patterned shirt. Aiden hadn't seen him before he left, which explained the shirt that to Tom, was shades of gray. "I.... W-wait...... What?" Thomas was definitely confused at this point, but not he was more nervous, and a tad afraid. When people tell you that, that means that they know something that you did, something that you said, something that you don't remember. After a moment or two of processing, you'd think he'd be brighter, being a Ravenclaw, Thomas finally figured it out. The color instantly drained from his face, and his composure wavered, causing him to almost fall backwards, but he balanced himself out. There was a deep feeling in the put of his stomach, that feeling he got when he was truly terrified. He wanted to throw up. Tom could only think about what happened with Noreen, the incident running through his mind, or, what he remembered of it. Tom had, had twice the amount of Alcohol Noreen had, and because he was so thin, it took to him far, far worse. "Oh gosh......" Tom covered his mouth, trying to prevent himself from hyperventilating, but he was well on the way to passing out. Ellinor, well, her being mad at him was far worse than any day he was missing his socks, worse than any spider, or any large body of water. Tom started to panic inside his head, and he just didn't know what to do.

⇨ hey, hey, ericamay! says (00:24):

*the fact it took thomas such a considerably long time was a little puzzling to ellinor. he didn't seem like the sort of guy who could forget having sex with a girl like noreen, but he also didn't seem like the sort of guy who had uncommitted sex, either. unless he and noreen were committed and she didn;t know it. the thought made her head hurt. her mother probably never had to deal with issues like these while she was in her youth (however many centuries ago that may have been). just watching him there made her heart break all over again. it were as if he were an ant, she had a magnifying glass, and he was left there to wonder why he was slowly but surely catching on fire. was it not power she always wanted? control? well, here it was in its purest form: thomas knelt before her, asphyxiated by the realization of his past mistakes and all she had to do was look at him. her tone was like an unintended crucio. her hands were subconsciously gripping the bench seat until her knuckles were ghostly -- it was all she could do to prevent herself from comforting him. but he looked sickly now and she couldn't help herself. she let go of the seat and gently pulled him to the bench, as well. her hand rested on his back, but then she pulled away, clearly still trying to regain her cold front. she looked away from him and leaned forward, resting her face in her hands and her elbows on her knees. "i just... trusted you..." she whispered, trying to slow her breathing. "i thought you were different -- better... was that my mistake?"

Taryn says (00:33):

*Thomas was frozen, stuck in the realization that what he had done, what he never wanted to do, happened. Tom had had plenty of panic attacks, but this, this felt like he was having a heart attack. He gritted his teeth, trying to remember what his therapist as a child told him. No one ever died of a panic attack, and the feeling would pass, however, this was far, far worse. It wasn't himself who he hurt, it was someone else, someone... Someone he cared about, not just himself. Tom couldn't give a damn about his own feelings, but Ellie, he liked her far, far too much. "O-o-oh my g-g-gosh.." Tom said, but it came out in his exhaled breath, the only thing he could hear was his own heartbeat. Noreen said that no one would know, he didn't even want to know, but the cat was out of the bag, and he was screwed. "Ellie I... I............... I'm s-s-so sorry...." Tom tried to calm down, but he looked like someone had just told him that they killed his sister, or his dog. At least, that was what it felt like to him. "I.... I didn't... I had g-gotten drunk... She.... I don't r-remember a-anything but w-waking up in h-her bed and... and ha-having a p-panic a-attack.." Tom's teeth were slightly shaking as he spoke, his hands relaxing and tensing into a fist in an effort to calm himself down, but nothing was working.

⇨ hey, hey, ericamay! says (00:44):

*ellinor listened to his breathing -- ragged and short. she was never usually one to feel bad for people. people always found a way to overcome -- they were the great survivors -- so why should she try to be a saviour? at least, that was her mentality as she saw it before -- or in other circumstances. but with tom, it was different. goddammit, with tom it was always different. something about him was alluring, like a flame, and she couldn't say quite what it was. he didn't know the effect he had on her -- he probably couldn't fathom it. from their very first meeting something kept her coming back. sometimes it was all frustrating, but it was all worth it. when he stuttered his apologies, elle took another breath and regained her posture, leaning back against the wall and looking up above her, eyes glancing down at his figure every now and again. she wanted to hold him and tell him everything would be okay, that she forgave him and nothing hurt, but she couldn't just let it slide so quickly. if she didn't speak about the issue now, the things that were left unsaid would eat away at her and leave her with no other choice but to feel spoilt and used. "do you know how it felt..." she spoke in a voice she had trained to always remain calm and cool despite the situation, like a building that did not evacuate even when it was on fire. ".. to be kept in the dark for so long? feeling like i was just betrayed by my best friend and the one i like? and the worse thing is that she knew -- she knows everything... but she didn't.. she didn't tell me..." for once, there was a break in her voice. "i tell her everything..." she closed her eyes, which felt painfully dry, and tried to calm herself down. she didn't want to cry. she never cried.

Taryn says (00:53):

*Tom's expression went to completely panicked, to worried, not for himself, but for Ellie. He never, ever, in a million years considered how she would have felt, considering that they weren't together. Yes, he liked her at the time, and had for a while, but, he didn't consider how she would have felt. Tom didn't know that Ellie liked him, he didn't comprehend that anyone, let alone someone as amazing as her could like him back. Tom was used to liking people, and never doing anything for fear of rejection, fear of humiliation, and sometimes even fear of it actually working out in the short term, but only breaking his heart later. "I.......... I never....." Tom was about to say that he never meant to hurt her, that he never wanted this to happen, but even he knew that those lines were a cliche in itself. With three older sisters, he had seen break ups over and over again, that he could deal with because his sisters loved him unconditionally, but this, this was far, far different. Using his instinct, throwing every fear behind him, Tom leaned closer to her, wrapping his arm around her shoulders, and using the opposite hand to lace his fingers with hers. ".......... It... It n-never should have ha-happened..... I... I c-can't e-even i-i-imagine w-what you felt..... I'm..... I'm so-sorry....."

⇨ hey, hey, ericamay! says (01:06):

*she froze temporarily, something in her stomach clenching and making her shiver as if with a sudden thawing. she regarded him with a look of surprise -- like deer in headlights, a look she wasn't used to. needless to say, ellinor had not expected tom to ... to do such un-tom things! the feeling of his hand made her lightheaded and she felt the oncoming disappointment that said "this is just a dream, ellinor, and it's eight in the morning and you need to wake up right about... NOW." but this was real -- surprisingly enough. her anger and desire to keep her facade up dissipated slowly but surely. as soon as the shock subsided, she relaxed, bringing her free hand to their intertwining fingers and relishing in the simplicity of that small act of intimacy. it sent chills down her spine and as she sat there in silence, she realized she was resting on him -- far closer than she could recall ever being. snapped out of her stupor, she remembered what had happened. right, she had been... betrayed she said and... his fingers were so delicate -- no, stop focusing on that; there are issues at hand, ellie, and you have to focus. since when did you cave so fast? clearing her throat quietly and feeling a warmth rise to her face, she tried to keep back to the context of the situation before he had so distracted her. "i..." she was never one to mix up her words, or hesitate like she did now -- no articulation was one of her fortes, but it clearly failed her now. "it's just..." she tried sorting her thoughts out in her head, but she felt like putty. "it hurt more that i had to find out from someone else..." she looked him in the eyes, but her gaze was not as hard as it was before. "i don't know if you've noticed but... even though we're not together... you... have this effect on me..." she felt embarrassed beyond compare. one minute, she's cross and the next she's like a lovesick school girl. "i don't like the thought of you with anyone else..."

Taryn says (01:16):

*Thomas was in complete disbelief, his hands were laced with hers, and his arm was around her. She smelled lovely, and never before had Tom ever wanted to smell someone before. Smells were bad, they made him sneeze, they made him sick, they did everything but good things. This was different. Ellie, to him, she smelled like late nights watching the stars, she smelled like roses and oranges, she smelled like exactly what he pictured his perfect love potion to smell like. Damn, he was definitely smitten. As she continued to speak, Tom being as patient as humanly possible, her words sunk in, and his face turned beat red. No, he wasn't embarrassed, he was excited, flattered, happy even. Tom couldn't help it, there was a small, spark, of a smile on his face as he looked at her. She was hiding her face, and all he wanted to do was kiss her. This feeling was a hundred degrees different than with Noreen, for he wasn't drunk, and he actually felt good, instead of miserable like he felt with Noreen. Leaning down, his heart still racing, Tom kissed her on the cheek, chickening out last minute from full on kissing her, and whispered into her ear. "Who said we weren't together?"

⇨ hey, hey, ericamay! says (01:32):

*ellinor was no seer, but she could already foresee noreen and aiden's reactions. she couldn't help but smile. he was awkward and soft-spoken but it was more than endearing to her. these were not the only traits that held her so enamoured -- she was almost positive that even if he spoke with elegance, walked with grace, and acted like everything he wasn't, she'd still hold such a torch for him. everything about him was perfect -- not in the sense that he was godly, but that no matter how he viewed himself as flawed, she couldn't see anything but greatness. and when she felt the soft brush of his lips against her cheek and heard felt his words send chills down her spine, she could have sworn something in her was doing somersaults, as illogical as that sounded. she felt an unsung understanding for the people she used to doubt -- the lovers who kissed every few seconds, the couples who held hands in public; even noreen and grayson who couldn't even decide where they stood. something about this was tender and she was blissful, ecstatic, energized. did that mean they were finally together? she turned back and looked at him again, a smirk tugging at her lips. it was amazing how he could cheer her up so quickly. just minutes ago, she felt numb, but now she felt more than she thought she ever had in her life. more than when her mentor told her she was a brilliant ballerina, more than when the boy down the street poked her in kindergarten, more than anything else. it was exactly what she needed -- he was exactly what she needed. and she saw that now, clearer than before. her lips met his and she almost laughed into it. something was just so euphoric. remember back when she first met him and thought his stuttering was hilarious? and now there was nothing more she'd love to hear. when she pulled back, she grinned and dug her face into his peacoat and awkwardly coloured shirt. "was that so hard?"

Taryn says (01:45):

*Tom's hands instinctively went to her sides as she kissed his lips, her smiling as their lips met. It was a little awkward on the bench, him being so tall, but no way in hell was he going to let that be an obstacle. Ellie's kisses were perfect, putting a grin on his face, something that didn't show up very often, if at all. As she dug her face into his chest, Tom's mind raced as fast as his heart, something he was sure that she could feel, and was only partially concerned with it. Ellie was his, no more tip-toeing around the elephant in the room, no more wondering, no more avoiding Noreen like the plague. Well, alright, that might still be the case, but he didn't give a damn. He grinned, closing his eyes and resting his chin on the top of her head, his hands on her back, running up and down her spine. "I... I g-guess not.... I.... s-should have done t-this ages ago...." His jaw went up as he smiled, something she could definitely feel as he did so. "Ellie, y-you're fantastic...."

OH MAN, JAMES PATTERSON EAT YOUR HEART OUT

loljk